I know how this will end..
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:22pm
Thread Topic: I know how this will end..
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This is the last time I'll do this before I accept it.
Firstly, if I lied about anything, I never realized it was a lie. I'm sorry. As far as I know, I've told the truth in this.
I'm not blaming you. I blame myself infinitely, and I don't deny that.
That said, you know I watch when you post. That's a given. I naturally have to know how you feel..
You have a wonderful personality, and no, you are not a loser. You are a beautiful person.
And I wouldn't ignore if I wasn't sure you wouldn't answer.. I have no idea why you're angry with me, in all honesty. You know I'd correct it if I knew.
Alright. That's the last time. I can't keep hurting myself wondering how to make you happy. Please just answer me.. -
All I wanted was a serious conversation because I can't talk to anyone about anything anymore. If anyone i thought you cold hold a serious topic, but no. You're becoming like Em, you think that being random and pretending that will make it go away, but it doesn't.
That started it all. Then when I was talking to Alec, he told me you hang up on him. If I were pissed off at someone I'd hang up on them. I don't know you two in person. Do you think I hold the answer to everything in life? I don't, and sometimes I need space to breathe without being called an idiot, or stupid, or worthless because god forbid I don't know everything.
You told Emily that you tried to talk to me and you didn't. Not once did you try to talk to me except when it came to acting stupid about something you didn't want to be a light topic. You made everything seem like it was all my fault and you knew she would take your side because she favors everyone else over me. Everyone does. Did she ask my side? No, she told me I was being mad at you for nothing when it isn't nothing and she didn't even ask for my side.
I never thought you were like this, but you are. You're being like everyone else by talking about me behind my back, making everything into my fault, and acting as if the whole world needs to know. I kept it to myself, I just talk to myself when I'm mad, but you had to tell everyone that I'm mad at you and you have no clue what's wrong. -
I don't have all the answers either, though. Your sadness makes me nervous, and when I get nervous, I try to lighten it. I thought it would make you feel better..
I never hung up on him... That was a lie. The last time he called my house that I even knew of, I talked to him for ten minutes, just trying to tell him my brother wasn't in. But I never hung up on him. I've never called you anything like that.... You're a smart girl, and I freely admit that..
I did try... You left without a word to me.. Maybe I overreacted, but it felt a terrible amount like the last time you were angry with me. I told her it was my fault- I never blamed you for any of it. I knew I did something wrong, I just didn't know what. And I promise she doesn't favor me. She already told you that. She asked why you were angry with me.... You wouldn't tell her.
And what is it I'm like? I'm trying to understand this, and I can't. It hurts that you have no problem with saying these things.. Haven't I tried to help you when I could? I try, at the very least.. -
"2012-11-03 15:48:57
God you're such a liar. e.e I have never once hung up on your dumb---. Don't even try. Last time you ever called that I even knew of, I sat there and talked to you for ten minutes trying to get you to understand that my brother wasn't there. I can't stand liars like you. I can't stand them. I hate them with a fiery passion.
As if I'm that immature you stupid child. -.-"
I had to turn off the computer before my mom bitched at me. -.- I'm an hour ahead of you and two years younger, not as much freedom. She's told me that I'm her least favorite. And maybe think I don't want to get everyone involved? I can't even laugh anymore in person so I couldn't talk about if something were wrong. I knew talking on gtq about problems anymore aren't going to help because no one does anything but make it into a joke or tell me I'm an overreacting bitch. I'm not you and I'm not Katie, I don't talk about everything that another person did right in front of them.
You're being like everyone else. You're manipulating, lying, and acting all innocent. I know I'm a bitch, so I don't care who calls me it anymore. The reason I can say this is because I'm sick of staying quiet while someone is trying to hurt me and I'm sick of putting things in a nice way so people don't understand the point and do it again. I've dealt with this all before and it's exhausting. It's exhausting running around and around getting hurt while someone can so easily replace you and talk about it. At least I'm saying it to you instead of behind you. -
Then I overreacted, and I'm sorry. I'm just a person. I don't know what to do when I panic, and if I think someone I care about is angry with me, it's just short of a heart attack. No, I'm not perfect. But I can try to be more serious when it concerns you..
If I said anything that wasn't true, I didn't know. As far as I know, I haven't lied. And I wasn't trying to manipulate anyone. I never denied that it wad my fault. I was not playing innocent. Why is it so hard to believe I really was terrified you would hate me?
No one can replace you. You know that.. And I wasn't trying to hurt you.. I can't pretend I'm not sad when I am. But I didn't want to hurt you.. I've been trying for such a long time to help you be happy. Why in hell would I ever want to hurt you? -
*And now I have to go. I'll be back later... All I can do is ask that you please forgive me. I'll be better- I promise... Please forgive me.
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You're lying just now. You said you didn't call me stupid when I just posted that you did and now you're saying you didn't lie.
Also I know you're human, but sometimes it's nice to have a serious conversation when I'm seriously depressed. I've told you I don't want to live anymore. Everything is just bringing me closer.
It's hard to believe because with you people actually care. Deny it all you want, but it's true. You post and you get replies. I don't get any response until I either explode or I bring back my thread and people think, "oh, I feel bad for the loner" and that's only sometimes. I'm easily forgotten. And you'd be surprised how many people have replaced me and forgotten.
And you used to call Alec your brother and care for him, that turned nasty within a month. It's possible and everyone has a turning point. -
Whatever. e.e
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*And that comment was aimed toward Alec, not you. I've never said anything like that about you..
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He's not the one that said it was immature, it was me. Plus you started a new line and when you type it means you're directing it to another person.
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Alright, I really need to give this back to Derrick.
I shift lines to separate points being made. The first part was my explanation of what happened. The second was my response. I know you said that- But I was addressing his having said I would do that.
As for why that messed up... I don't have time to explain it now. I will later. But Derrick wants his DS back, so I need to go. Bye..
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