Damn. I don't know what to think after reading this.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:20pm
Thread Topic: Damn. I don't know what to think after reading this.
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Here we go again. Maybe I will go on and not care, but only if you insist on my doing so.
I think you're looking for a distinctive reason behind my plan to leave, and you're jumping to this conclusion because it's easier than believing otherwise. -
1. WTF are you talking about?
2. What have you done to yourself? -
Yesterday, in the thread where I told you about my plans to leave, you said 'Fine then. You love us. Not one damn bit."
Quite honestly, I've done nothing to change myself. I'm just stating what I'm picking up from the situation. -
Because it's true and you know it. You just cant face that reality.
You're not the Lana I knew. And you're sure as hell not the Lana I've come to love so dearly. You're sure as hell not happy any more, you sure as hell don't care about any body on here more than the dirt on your shoes, and you sure as hell don't like me anymore. -
You're right. I'm sure as hell not happy anymore. I'm sparing you all from witnessing this 'new' me. That's why I'm leaving. Ever think that maybe I'm leaving because I'm scared to care? I really am. I've poured my heart and soul into helping and guiding people, always loving them unconditionally... Then they go off and hurt me, or die, or something. I'm scared to form a relationship because I know it will just end in heartbreak and pain.
I've overstayed my welcome, and it's just time for me to go. I can tell I have no place here anymore. No matter how much you think I do, I just don't. I just need you to understand. That's all I'm asking for. Don't ask me why, or how, or to stay. Stop trying to convince yourself that I don't care, because I f---ing do, so much that it hurts. -
Disregard all of that. I just completely vented when I vowed to myself that I wouldn't. Just ignore the words, ignore me, do whatever the hell you want. I just can't handle all of this any more.
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Do you think people just go "Hey, I'm going to will myself to die, just so I can break Lana."? Do you think people just purposefully break you?! Everything isnt about you Lana. You know, other people hurt too. You're not the only one that ever f---ing hurts. Maybe if you'd just try, try to look for to something, maybe things would be different. And maybe, you're just afraid to be hurt. Well guess what? Life sucks. People sick. Get the f--- over it! I hurt Lana. Tori hurts. Mandy hurts. People on this site, even the trolls hurt. GTQ guy hurts. Your friends hurt. Keegan hurts. Maybe, Lana, maybe everything will get better. Maybe you can help with that. Did Martin Luther King just get up and leave while fighting to free blacks? Does our military just give up trying to protect our country? Did anyone that made a difference in someones life just leave and give up? Because, the irony of that is, it's what youre doing. And by saying "I don't want to hurt any of you." Peraps you are? Doing exactly what you don't want? And I know you care, Lana. I'm trying to show you I hurt just as bad as you. But go ahead. Live in your dainty fantastic world where everything gets better by giving up, and no one hurts. I'm sure that will make a difference in someones life.
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I know you hurt. I know everyone hurts. I don't want to add to that by sticking around.
But who the hell cares? Either way, I won't be back soon enough.
I've tried, and I've failed. That's just the way it is. I used to be able to put myself out for the taking, happy-go-lucky times... But that's over with. Just like my time here. -
Late post.
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Late post again. Damnit.
You don't understand, do you? You've already. Half of us will hurt for the rest of our lives just over you. It's not like they'll meet you in real life. This is they're only connection to a person that makes there life's happy. And now you're just taking it away. -
And wow. But that's over with. I don't know how you live with yourself. Obviously leaving some of the people who love you most is gonna fix everything. Lana, one time you didn't come on here for eight days. I freaked the f--- out. I worried about you. Just like I worry about everyone who leaves without warning. Lana if you leave, it could mean you died, were injured, hospitalized or just left. If leaving your close friends on here and making their life's hell is fixing your own, go ahead. I can't stop because my words mean nothing to you.
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*stop you
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And you can ignore me all you like, but you know it's true.
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