I know for a fact,
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:19pm
Thread Topic: I know for a fact,
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Look, I feel this way too sometimes. My parents hate me, they'd just go on with life. My sister wouldn't have me to embarass her. My friends have all called me a bitch and even my closest said they wouldn't care if I moved. But I'm still here. You need to think of one thing you have to do or one person you truely love and hold on to them. That's what keeps me going everyday.
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But that's just the thing. I keep on a mask, so no one thinks there's something wrong with me. I always try to be what people wan me to be. On the outside, I'm pretty mug a normal girl. But here, here is where I come out, where I show my true colors. I camt ever be honest with anyone. I've been hurt too much. I just can't do it. I'm sorry. :(
And I'm crying again... -
*want
*much
*can't -
@ Aud you just said me, what i am, it feels like trusting someone is going to bite me in the back, showing emotion will leave a gateway for people to hurt me, do you know what i want to cry but i'm stopping the tears going on my face cause i think it's a weakness to cry, even when i'm alone, even now when i know it's not i still cant cry, i'm jealous you can cry you have guts to do something i cant and that's cry. Worst part is the past, trying to bury it, scared as hell that someone will bring it up, i try to even rearrange it, change it, that it almost feels real but almost. The pain is unbearable and so i have to cover it up to not bother anyone
Causse i think they won't care or they'll think i'm just a girl with too much misery, scared of being alone that we don't even notice we are pushing the ones that care away then we actually become true loners. Audree i'm scared too but i want to be strong get stronger, i want to prevail, Audree i don't want to be what i just described do you? -
That's the bad part. I embrace this part of who I am, because of I didn't, I'd just be an empty shell. If I didn't feel this, I would never feel anything at all. Feeling like this convinces me that I'm still alive. Even though it gets me depressed more and more all the time, I know that if I feel like this, I have a heart, I can feel, I can know that I'm not a hypothetical zombie. So, I guess what I'm saying is, I'm afraid of help, because I don't want this part of me to Go away. Cause if it did, I'd be nothing. I wouldn't be able to cover up the emptiness, the pain in my eyes would show clearly.
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i rather be empty than sad, cause the sadness sometimes it feels so little and that you can cover it up, and sometimes do but then one thing happens and you feel all your sadness accumulate into a big depression and i've felt too many depressions that i just wanted to stay in the dark alone, noone knew cause i never wanted to bother them, a part of me didn't want help just to be alone, strange right that you get used to the pain and then actually want to be alone, but when someone actually shows some care you dont want to be alone. If you see my face you'd see a girl who has a face of nothing, a face that looks like she doesn't care, even when i feel nothing my face looks like it's sad, looks like i'm blank, but i know i don't have emptiness some people say religion is a joke it's stupid, but i know it's not cause i know i'm not alone and what kept me sane, and urged me to keep going is God and Christianity, but some peole aren't like me, breaking everyday, and i feel their sadness and in my mind i want them to know God, but i know some won't listen, i try but they just wont accept Him, then i see them break even more and i compare them to a Christian who was devestated and i see the Christian is more happier. Sometimes the pain hurts too much for me, but i do hear a voice saying they're worse people than you, then i know i'm not empty cause i have God, i can never be empty
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And you're right, what you said about Dro. I am scared that he could leave me. And also, I hide myself, because I want him to be in a relationship with me because he actually loves me, not because he feels sorry for me. Truthfully, Dro is the only real reason I'm still here, and if he broke up with me, I know I wouldn't have the strength to go on.
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Audree your amazing stop beating yourself up now! I knoe I know it sucks now but it will get better! You are just trying to find you, and when you aren't sure you believe everyone hates you. That's not true at all! So pull yourself together everyone is trying to make you feel better but you turn away and keep beating yourself up. What are we to do?
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Dro loves you he would never leave you .
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Exactly, Tori, that's why I hide myself from everyone. Cause I feel like I'm just too much. I feel like no one can handle me. I don't want to hurt anyone else, cause I'm too nice for that, but everyone thinks I'm horrible.
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Your lucky, Ang, you have God. I believe in him, but it's starting to feel like I dedicated my whole life to a rock, cause I'm getting nothing.
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Audree Go To Our Soap And Read What I Wrote To You ...
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Ok if everyone thought you were horrible they wouldn't say anything to you. But they are. How does that make sense?
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I'm just gonna say one thing, the whole world ain't gonna like you. I have many,many haters but just tell them this, "I don't give a f--- about what you think about me. Go and join allthe other haters who are waiting for me to care, but let me warn you that day ain't coming soon"
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Okay, I'm sorry for going on and on about my problems. You guys are probably kind of annoyed I haven't shut up abou it. Ummm......I'm fine, you guys can go back to your own lives. You guys don't have to help me. I don't appreciate pity. It makes me feel more vulnerable then what I am. I'll never bring this up again, on GTQ. Sorry for putting a dark cloud over your heads for so long...
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