i exist
Thread Topic: i exist
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been a while. like, years. idk who remembers this account, or who resides within. but hello, and I hope this message finds you in good health.
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my, my i used to be very cryptic on here
no esta bien, es obvio -
the further i delve into my past actions, the further humbled i am
i returned out of nostalgia. but remember i left due to the sheer shame of my words and actions. however, you cannot ever truly learn from the past if you leave it behind -
i suppose i ought to do a roll call. i forget how many accounts i had in total, truthfully. perhaps i should hand some of these off.
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not sure how wise it is to share my true thoughts in a public forum that i can never delete. i mean, i know the answer to that. but still debating. all i shall say, is, i know i'm not there yet. i have much work to do before i am ready.
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by the gods, what a mess i was. i do wish i could have been better, though i know how you have to fail in order to learn. i simply wish i had never hurt those that i hurt. you can't ever take that back
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i keep checking the recent posts on all these accounts, and i feel this one is far too true. we tend to take things for granted, particularly love. "only know you love her when you let her go."
i do hope the reader, whoever you may be, finds yourself in good health. i hope you receive the love you deserve, and you're able to feel it to it's fullest. please, learn from my mistakes. if i can tell you anything worthy of an ear, it is this
love is the only thing that we can do which matters. love yourself, and love your family. your friends. love them, for all that's good. you do not need relationships to be whole. you do not need to have a special someone in order to feel well. you only need love for your fellow humans, yourself included. -
i do not search for pity, or assurance. i seek nothing from you, reader. you have lent me your ear if you are seeing this, and that is enough. should you be so inclined, you can find yourself searching threads from throughout the years and piece together this tale. if you do not know it already, that is.
i wished to bury it for so long. that was unwise. i am the type who has issues simply feeling, and that causes me to bottle things. most unhealthy, most repugnant. no, i should have felt. communicated. and when i learned to, it was too late for the love i lost. i found love again, in myself. that love has been tested, come and gone. extenuating circumstances have brought me to ends i thought i would never find. despite my efforts, i am here. i exist, despite my wishes. as if existing was not difficult enough, the world crumbles more each day. the earth will soon become a wasteland, barren of reason or ryhme. the earth will heal, as she always does. but a flower must first wilt before it can bloom again -
my mind fails me. my memories fade without me realizing such. this site housed my formative years, my teenage years. my biggest regrets and mistakes, documented. not fully, not fluently. but documented nonetheless. and once again, i shall rely upon my journals lost within cyberspace from years ago. delving into these profiles only provides so much, as they house the most recent posts. i wonder, what was my first thread? my first alt? when was my first rant, and what did it entail? just how childish was i, and how much have i grown?
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perhaps divination? perhaps i should attempt communication. i could use some guidance. but perhaps i am meant to be without it, as there is still much to learn on my lonesome. i am unsure. one thing i am sure of most certainly is that i am tired, in every way i can conceive.
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Holy crap I’ve thought about you once in a while it’s good to hear from you again
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"let justice be done, though the heavens fall"
and fall, they have. one of my favorite quotes, it sounds so beautiful. yet, the point is quite concise, i feel.
what is justice? the existence of a jury implies justice is within the frameset of majority, of everybody. justice for me may feel like injustice for you, and vice versa. however there are things which are clearly wrong, and some will still see as right. justice is perception of right and wrong, morality. in fact, i have somewhat gotten into moral philosophy. many moral philosphers challenge each other's views and published works. many argue one's moral compass is dictated as such, while many argue the moral compass should be dictated as this. an interesting topic, to be certain. -
greetings! glad to be thought of
my memory fails me, so i do apologize. might you reintroduce yourself to me?
also, that appears to be all the accounts. those i have saved, anyways. -
It’s okay I didn’t recognize you until your 4th post , it’s Josh
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i see
half of these accounts were gifted to me, so i understand some know them by different faces. but it is i, ello
hi josh!! its been a while, how have you been?
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