Thread Topic: Ripper's Edge
No. I'm not even able to get time alone with them. I'm forced to talk to them in front of my parents at all times. And, it's actually been ages since I've seen any of them with covid going on.
The Coldest Sun Hot Shothmmmmmmmmm
They do things in such a way that no one really notices how wrong it seems. Over time, I realized this.
When I was younger, people would often ask if I had autism because I clearly showed symptoms. My parents would kindly say "No, she's just overreacting and exaggerating." Once we got home, my parents would order me to stop "acting weird" and they told me to stop making people think something's wrong with me.
My mom used to pretty much beat me and my siblings. She would chase me through the house and sometimes sit on me just to spank me; and if one person made her angry, she'd have us all line up and get spanked. My dad rarely ever stopped her.
I hold them both at fault for all of this.
Now, it's like my siblings don't remember any of that, and they feel like everything's fine. I'm the only one with a problem, and with that in mind, I doubt anyone would ever take me seriously.
Also, all the relatives know them to be the nicest people, so they wouldn't believe me either.
My parents constantly tell me I act mentally ill, but refuse to take me to get checked out because they believe all doctors are pill-pushers. They call what others call signs of autism signs of mental illness, and they punish me for my behavior. They don't like it when I tell them something's wrong with me, but they don't like it when I lie and say everything's fine. If I don't agree with something they feel or think, they punish me until I do. They constantly beat up on the LGBTQ+ community, unknowingly hurting me. They tell me to speak up, but when I speak, they tell me to shut my mouth.
It's not like this every single day; some days are okay. But most of the time, there's one thing or another thing that happens throughout the day, and it leaves me anxious, scared, and angry, wondering when they'll do something else to me.
Life is only good for them if I don't bring it up. I've been bothering them since I was 12 about my problems, but I've really had problems longer than that.
I feel like if it were reported, they would punish me more than ever if they found out I was the cause. I don't know if this is because I really shouldn't say anything because I might be overreacting or because of the way they tell me they love me and it makes me think that maybe it's not all that bad.
I hate myself for not doing anything, but I don't know if I could live with myself for making this known.
I'm scared, I'm tired, and I just want a safe place. I don't feel safe around them and I'm having maniacal dreams about either hurting them or hurting myself.
I don't know how my siblings sweep it under the rug. My mom taught my little sister to treat me the way my mom does. My mom barely lets me hang out with her anymore and she tells my little sister to tell her all the things we talk about while we're in my room.
I don't feel like I have privacy. I feel constantly watched. I don't know what to think or feel. I'm shaky a lot of the time, and I always feel the need to hold up a barrier between me and my family.
Even just talking about it makes me feel panicked. But when I get scared, I just keep talking unless I'm around them. Then I just stand there shaking and holding back tears.
I don't know.
It's like, "Well, this isn't so bad", some days, and then, when they do something it's like, "Okay, this is pretty bad."
If nothing else matters, the fact that they don't do anything about my mental state is neglect, even if it is just ignoring how I feel.
I don't know what I was thinking all this time. I thought that if I waited until I was 18, I could just take off and not have to come back.
Uh, but to WHERE would I go?!
That was stupid of me to think that.
And now what? This is a really nice thing to be stuck in the middle of.
I don't know what to do for myself.
I've been watching a lot of Bluey, lately.
I mean, it's just so soothing.
...this whole thing is a little overwhelming. Idk if I'll really get what I need from it. I can't find a thing and my brother's not going to be able to either.
they're making me anxious again. They're yelling and it's not at me, but still. They're right outside my door.
But, you know, it could always be worse, somehow.
Your room may not be yours alone, but it IS your space where you do things how you want and no one can tell you otherwise.
Die, forum, die.
I'm out. See y'all.
I'm thinking something as close to punk as I possibly can get. My parents would never let me do that style exactly, but that's what I wanted to do this year for my birthday. Now, where can I find some good punk clothes?
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