Jill.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:36pm
Thread Topic: Jill.
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I hate having to say this to you in public, but if I don't, I won't keep the promises I'm about to make.
I don't think we should be friends.
I don't think we should be partners.
I am a toxic person, at least to you. I take advantage of your forgiveness and I do so without even meaning too. I've got a lot of very serious problems I need to work out before I can be your friend, because I'm scared that one of these days I'll break you and you'll never be okay again. I don't know. Perhaps I already have.
I hate to have to do this like this, but if I don't, it will never get done. I have to stop talking to you completely. I don't want anything else to change- Stay on GTQ, keep talking to your friends. I know it's going to be hard at first. I know you may feel like you should do something stupid, but don't. The whole point of this is keeping you safe.
We weren't even fighting last night, and I got ticked off because you thought we were. I do love you, but Jill, I am not right for you. I may never be. I keep telling you that you need to grow up, but the truth is, I have to. And I cannot do that while I'm your friend. We can't talk at all, because there will be no chance for me to change if I think for the slightest moment that you'll except me as I am. Because I love you.
I thought about this all night. I cried for four hours straight because I knew that I needed to do something about my behavior. I have ruined every chance Ihad to be happy in the past year. Like I said, I'm toxic. I'm going to start therapy again in a few weeks, and try to actually work out my problems. But there will have to be some major change before I ever contact you again.
I'm sorry that it has to be this way.
I love you.
And I want you to know that I don't want you to feel responsible for anything but making me realize I need to be a better person.
Thank you for that.
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