*curls up into a ball*
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:35pm
Thread Topic: *curls up into a ball*
-
I can't fix anything... I'm so useless Damm it.
I have no f---ing purpose. Why the hell am I still alive. -
Because of me, the one you're trying to fix. Which face it, will never be able to happen, so just stop trying to fix a broken world when it's already fallen apart so much theres no point in trying...
-
So you are telling me to go die? I can't find any thing meaningful in life. I can't find reason enough to go on.... nothing matters anymore.. I have no passion, or potential or anything and the one thing I want to do, I can't, apparently, so just say it to my face, tell me to go die because I'm useless.
-
No, you're not, Savannah, I'll never tell you that because it's the farthest thing from the truth I could tell you. You still have purpose, and if you don't think you have reason to go on, you obviously don't have me. You keep trying to fix me, and that'll never be completely finished, yes, but completely giving up and dying will only finish off what I have left, that would shatter me, I've been hit too many times and been dented like metal, but if you leave, it would be like heating up that metal until it's as fragile as glass, and hitting it as hard as you possibly can. There'd be no reason for me to stay alive then, and I'd probably just end up jumping down the same hole you did right afterword, practically following you down. If you think you have no reason to stay, then rethink your whole reality, and what the consequences would be, Savannah.
-
Alex. Listen.you can't expect me to have you when you have made it pretty clear that you aren't over your first love yet. Do you understand how much it hurts me when you say you love me infinitely, but not whole heartedly? It hurts me to know that no matter how much you say you love me, you dont. Your heart is still elsewhere and it always has been.... it makes me feel like a distraction....
Look, you can't act like I'm the problem and like all the problems in this relationship are because of me because you are the reasons all of this s--- is happening damm it. The only reason I am so hindered with all of this because you made it seem like you didn't care and I didn't want to be any more hurt then I had to. I build walls because you made my affection seem like a childish joke. You never got over Alliyah so stop pretending like you love me. I'd rather have none of you than only half.... -
Savannah, just because I'm not over her does not mean I don't love you or that my heart is elsewhere. The way I deal with s--- like this is...different. It's the leaving that hurts, not the loss, if that makes any sense. Because as you should know, I have had waaaaaay too many losses in my life to not be able to block it out, because if I didn't block them out, I probably would be dead by now, Savannah. I am not pretending in the slightest and this all matters to me so much...If that is what has been bothering you, then forget about it, because it's a whole bunch of bulls--- from who knows where. There is no secrecy, there is no "halving" there is no decision. I might not be over Alli but I have emotionally detached myself from her and the whole situation. That's not to say I don't still love her, though, because really once I love someone once, there's a lot that has to happen for me to stop doing so, but that doesn't mean you're a distraction. If anything, it's the other way around, now.
-
You say you are over her and yet she secretly lingers in your every word. You don't even care... you never did.... you were always so conceded and stupid. You are so shallow sometimes... you don't even look to see things any other way... stop trying to decide me because I already made up my mind about this. You don't care. You pretend like you do, but you only need company and I'm jus the weak link who is willing to talk to you when you are bored out of your brain. If alliyah came back right now and said she could be with you what would you say? Can you honestly tell me without a hind of doubt that you wouldn't even be tempted to go back to her ? You aren't over her and you said you never would be... I can't keep going on wanting you when you never get over someone else....
Don't try to change or tell me that you want me and that she isn't there anymore. That is the lowest, most self-centered thing you could ever do.
Be honest to yourself damm it. -
If Alliyah came back, I would tell her that yes, I would enjoy going back to her, but I'm with you now. I might say it in more detail but that would be the point I would be making. I care, why the f--- do you think I keep trying to pull you out of the same damned ditch I was in that you managed to pull me out of? If I didn't care, I wouldn't even be your friend, definitely nit your boyfriend, if I didn't care, I would just let go and let you lay there in that ditch and rot, if I didn't care, BOTH IF US WOULD PROBABLY BE DEAD BY NOW, SAVANNAH.
How is that self-centered? I'm not changing, and I'm not saying that she isn't there are anymore, because she is, but I have you now, and a reality takes more prioity than a "what if" scenario that may never happen.
I already am. -
You aren't listening. You keep avoiding the question so I need to ask this very simply and plainly, and give you three words to answer with. If you had to, and could choose between Alliyah or I, who would you choose?
-
I'd choose you.
I already said that in a way thats apparently too complex fir you to understand but I would choose you, if it has to be an absolutely black and white thing. -
.... do you really mean that? Are you just saying that so I'll stay, or do you really mean it?
That is what I kept asking you, but you never answered me... -
Yes, I mean it. I wouldn't lie about something like that, especially to you.
does "yes, I would enjoy going back to her, but I'm with you now." ring a bell at all? because if you see this through anything like my eyes, you'll see thats exactly what I was saying. -
...And another one, if I didn't care, do you really think I'd be willing to stay up until like 2 every night talking to you when my average wake up time is 9 am, if not earlier than that?
-
I am sorry.... I don't believe you.... I am sorry but I don't...
So, if it had to be a black and white thing you'd "choose me". But it isn't a black and white thing so you don't love me whole heartily. That is what you keep trying to avoid.... it is okay to give an answer I might not like. No answer is perfect, but an honest answer is more perfect than an deceptive one. -
Why not? Savannah, after all we've been through you should know you can trust me...
It's not a black and white thing simply because it's more dynamic than that. I have reasons why I would choose you, not simply because I love you, or that I'm trying to be deceptive and trying to spare your feelings or whatever. I do love you whole heartedly, I really do, but you're right, I'm not over Alli being pulled away, simply because I haven't had enough time to forget, plus you keep reminding me of it which is only rubbing salt in the wound. "I can never forget, so don't remind me of it forever" works damn perfectly here. sure I won't be able to ever truly forget but I can put it on the very back burner and work on other things, but with you reminding me so much, I can't very well do that, can I? It's only a grayed out scenario because there are reasons behind the dynamicness of this, not simply that "well if it's nit black and white then you don't love me whole heartedly" because it's not that at all.
But think whatever you want, Savannah. I can't stop you. I can't make you or keep you from loving me, abd I can't control the way you think, but please, just please for once, look at this the way I do.
This thread is locked, therefore no new posts can be made.
