Sometimes...
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:33pm
Thread Topic: Sometimes...
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I just want to end it..
Even when I do something helpful or that I think is right, it's wrong and I'm just worthless and lazy. I apparently don't ever do anything. My brother is apparently too stupid to think. Even though he and I did chores when we got home, we're still not good enough. We're still selfish and ungrateful. I weigh 105 pounds, 15 under where I should be, yet I'm still fat. I do what I'm asked, I even ask if anyone wants help, yet I'm still lazy. Yeah, I play a lot of video games, what else am I supposed to do on a week day? I read, I do homework, I even play games that work my brain more.
Mom makes all the money. She pays the bills, buys the food, and paid for my Shuto Con trip. She went back to school and worked third shift to earn more money to support us when he wasn't working. Yet she apparently doesn't work as hard as he does. I used to never see my mom until just before going to bed. I never get to spend time with her, and when I do, he has to be there to f---ing ruin it.
I swear the only thing keeping me alive is my success in school. If I were to fail there, I would officially have nothing and therefore have no reason to live.
...Even my babies can't help.
Evan and Jay are as tense as can be, Flynn's crying in the corner, Damian's screaming as loud as possible, and Airi's practicing punching the wall. No of them are in a stable enough state, or willing to speak, to help me. They don't have advice for me, not like they usually do.
And the worst part is that I can't go to school to get away tomorrow. I'm stuck here, and knowing his drunk ass, he's not going to work tomorrow because he won't feel like it.
I also haven't eaten in 10 hours, but if I go downstairs to get anything of what we have left, I'll probably be called an a--hole for trying to not starve myself. -
step dad problems? or actual dad?
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I think you should try going down there anyway.. Starving isn't fun and even something little should help.
But, wow. I have no advice for you myself other than try to keep it up. You're doing great. I'd know that much. You'll go far. You're even of age to leave, so once you can get on your feet.. Do it. Maybe you can support the family members who support you, too.
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