No Subject
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:33pm
Thread Topic: No Subject
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I just feel like, you know, there's something wrong with me. The things I love doing are kinda numb to me now, and it's not that I'm bored or I don't care. I want to do those things. I just don't have the will I guess.
I feel like a puzzle, one of the big and complex ones that take forever to solve. And I'm missing pieces. And I dunno. Hollow, I guess?
I make plans, but I don't get excited anymore. In fact, I find myself making a lot of cancellations lately. Because I don't have the will to interact. It's just not something I want to happen anymore.
I feel numb in general. And then I act like this and you think I've forgotten you. I haven't. And I feel like s--- for not being able to hold a conversation, making seem like I'm bored.
It's not you. It's all me. I'm s---. And I feel like it would ve better if no one had to dead with it anymore. -
I'm not sure if you meant for me to see this or not.
It's not your fault, I swear. Part of it is my jealousy that's kicking in. Every day I compare how you act with me to everyone else and you can't really help it. Especially when you feel like that, that's so rude of me to be thinking about our status and s---. If you can't talk to me.. Maybe we shouldn't talk. I don't want you to force yourself into anything. I've said this so many times. I want you to do what you feel like doing. Even if it hurts a little emotionally, if it will help you, oh god do it. Be happy. That's all I will press for. I gave you up so you could be happy. If I need to further give you up to make you feel better, I'll do it. I'll do anything if it means you'll feel better. I'm not joking when I say anything.
No. If you weren't here I wouldn't have the will to continue on. And you have a whole future away from the people and things that are making you feel this way ahead of you. It'd be far worse for you to be gone. Haven't I told you that from the beginning? You seem to be forgetting. Silly you.
And. I'm not the only one who loves you do bad it hurts to see you feel like this. Remember that. It's not just me anymore. More people love you.
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