Lucky.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:31pm
Thread Topic: Lucky.
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Can we..talk?
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Sure.
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Um...god how do I even start this...*sighs* um well...I'm sorry first off, truly sorry of what I've done to you, I was a terrible friend and...I used you as a punching bag on accident. I didn't want to hurt you or make you not trust me, but I got a large swift kick in the ass and I woke up finally. I just...woke up too late to realize what I've done and I...realized I was hurting people more than helping them by pushing them away.
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It's fine.
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No it's not. You have free reign to tell me what you really think, don't say it's fine, I want the truth.
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Okay. I thought you were being really selfish. It didn't seem like you were trying to change at all. And that really frustrated me, because you're my friend and I want you to be happy. But it seems like you've opened your eyes, at least for the time being. So yeah, it's fine.
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That's not all you're wanting to say to me is it Lucky. Just let your anger out at me. Let's just say...I had an awakening in a dream, a very messed up dream, but it made me wake up literally and figuratively.
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Okay. I was pissed. Really pissed. I hated myself for trusting someone yet again only for them to turn around and kick me in the ass and make me feel like an idiot for trying. I hated you for making me hate myself. I felt like such a useless excuse for a friend, the way we treated each other, the way I treated you. But then I realized all the blame and hate and sadness was getting me absolutely nowhere, and then I was just kind of indifferent. I still am.
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Understandable.*sighs* what a mess I've made...
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But you're fixing it, which is very admirable.
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I don't know how its admirable, like my dad says, I've dug such a deep hole and yet I still keep on digging. I mean the dream made me open my eyes and...it was a weird dream. Just odd.
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What was your dream about? If you don't mind telling me.
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Promise you won't say I'm lying or call me crazy...?
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I promise.
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*sighs* okay.
Well to start off I usually start having odd nightmares around Christmas time, it usually involves me running from shadows in a white room, causing panick and fear to over come me. Afer a while I step on the wrong tile and the floor breaks around me, but this time it was different. I felt like I was being swallowed up by water when I hit the wrong tile and well...in the nightmare, I woke up somewhere else. It was odd, I hadn't had a dream of a garden in years, I mean a long time since I've had a dream with a garden in it. It scared me, but I started walking around, not knowing where I was being led.
When I finally got to where my feet were carrying me, I felt I don't know, happy in a dream for once. Well anyways my feet carried me to a gazebo, a really nice one with gothic architecture to it, but...it was like a small tea table was there along with someone else. She looked...like me, just alot more confident about herself and didn't radiate so much anger like I do usually. Of course when she started talking it startled me a bit. She told me that she was what I really thought about myself and what I wanted to be but could never reach it. Of course she started yelling at me for being an idiot and pushing people away when they could actually help me and the she just...sighed and waited for me to reply. Everything she said hurt me, but made weights fall off my shoulder. I always felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders ans if I faltered just a bit...it would all be ruined. I felt like Atlas a lot, but talking to her made me feel better and helped me open my eyes. Now usually my dreams get weird after a while, but this one was different. It just...felt like a wonderful yet odd dream that woke me up. After I didn't say anything she just told me to sit down and we had tea. After that we just talked until I woke up on how I could really fix things.
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