I need your guys' opinion
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:29pm
Thread Topic: I need your guys' opinion
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The character on the other roleplaying site I was on that I told you about.
Anyways, I was wondering if this would do. If it's too long or too short?
Scelanous was sobbing. Bawling her eyes out. She sat upon the peek of the mountain, on an edge that was merely a thousand feet into a drop of cold, rushing waters and hard rocks below.
With the gash in her head still healing, she was ugly. With York officially leaving her for Argentum, she was lonely. With nobody ever coming to visit her or ask how she was doing, she felt like nobody cared.
The captain couldn't help but to think that her life was awful and that she was miserable. She wanted to end it all.
She had been depressed since December of last year. She couldn't believe she hadn't killed herself yet.
Closing her eyes, she slowly began to weep more slowly, blood trickling out of her eyes. The calico took a rock, sharpened the end at the ridge, then drug it across her wrist, watching blood flow quickly out of her veins. She smiled, closed her eyes and savored the pain.
Jerking her eyes back open, she stood up, taking a large gulp and looking down at the bottom. It certainly was a long way down, that was for sure.
Taking a deep breath, she decided that she would do it. She would kill herself.
Lifting her paws into a jump, all of the terror inside of her while in mid-air turned into amusement. It seemed like slow-motion for a few seconds, but then she went down as fast as a rocket.
Scelanous let out a maniacal laugh as she plunged into the atmosphere below. But her happiness turned into more pain when she landed on a sharp rock that sliced her neck.
Unfortunately, she survived and slid into the river below that carried her onto a rock where she bled out and continued to laugh. -
The end is a bit two skimpy in my opinion.
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What do you mean by that?
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Not as descriptive as it could be.
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Any tips?
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Uh..not really..XD. Just tell her thoughts and describe the river, the rocks, her laughter. Not all of them, though.
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I see. Thanks.
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Of coarse.
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