Critize this, please.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:28pm
Thread Topic: Critize this, please.
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Yeah.
The night sky could not have possibly hid the smoke better than on any other day. The thick gray smoke was colliding with the air, hiding a couple of stars, but no one would have missed them.
Smoke rose up from a single house. Most people called it the "Grand House"; Perhaps because it had marble floors, sturdy wooden walls, white and gold walls, beautiful trinkets and other objects. Perhaps it was because of the people who lived there. It was too late to save any of that, though, for the house was already caving in.
(ignore the other thread it submitted it on its own) -
It's ok.
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I like it. What's it for?
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How about this?
The air was being smothered by the smoke. It took over the night sky like it was a king conquering a kingdom. There was no one there to worry about how long it had been in the air. Perhaps, if everyone had been around, the sky would be clear as it had been in the day.
A house, the Grand House, was ablaze. All of the beauty was lost forever in the flame. The firefighters were still too far away. For all anyone knew, they were having a pit stop at a fast food place, wondering who died this time and why they were the ones going so late into the night.
The Grand House had once stood 20 feet in the air, with two floors and many rooms. The outside had been an odd shade of gold. Now, the paint was gone, somewhere off in the wind. All of the inside treasures, the pictures and trinkets, pillows and beds, food that was never going to be eaten, somewhere in the flames. -
I'm writing a book and I need a long, eye catching intro.
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stop being amazing it hurtts
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Amazing? It's short and choppy. :I
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o3o That was super helpful. And yes, them was the stars.
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I have something else I need to get read.
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Part 1/3
Opening doors. This speech sadly isn't going to be about turning a knob and pushing a door open, but hey, it sounds pretty cool, doesn't it? What I want to point out is that this kind of door is pretty close to a actual door. It's just non-existent; and it's a door of opportunity. Or should I say doors, because there are three of them!
When you're "opening a door", you're opening a door to new opportunities. You're also opening a door to success. I'm sure all of you have at least one or two jobs that you want to go after later in life. This is the door marked "opportunities". You have as much of a chance as anyone else to reach your goal. Someone who has opened this door goes by the name Selena Gomez. Listen to this! Just like you or I, Selena was a normal kid who had no fame what-so-ever. Selena actually started her career at age seven, playing Gianna on Barney and Friends. She became famous when a Disney scout saw her and demanded that Selena needed to be cast a starring role. By doing something small, Selena opened the door to much broader opportunities. -
Part 2/3
The second door we can open doesn't have a true label, but it does have someone who tried to open it for others. Although she wasn't famous, she did do something remarkable for so many people. Her name was Margo. Margo was a good friend that my family liked quite a bit. She went to church, and easily fit with crowds of people. Margo was one of those inspiring people who tried her hardest to get people to listen to their heats and go do what made them happy. Most of the people she talked to did exactly that, and got onto their feet to go follow their dreams. All of those people went off to be their selves because of Margo. There's something special about her, though, that made her feats worth more than they seem. Margo had breast cancer. So, while she had to worry if she'd die at any moment, she was trying to cheer other people up. A year later, it died off, and everyone cheered. She had been freed of the cancer. Unfortunately, Margo had to take medication that brought it back. She forgot about all of the good deeds she had done, how she had overpowered the cancer, and took her life. I want you not to think about her death, but what she did in spite of the fear she felt. In a way, Margo was brave, and a star of hope that unlocked many doors. -
3/3
The last door is labeled "being yourself"! This time, I'm going to talk a bit of myself. Now, I used to be your normal kid. I go to Corey like (some of) you and do homework. I eat food, I breathe air, and I sleep. I opened a door wide open for me and got myself a job at a young age. I'm an actress! This may sound crazy, but I got the job by being myself. Here's how it happened: I was at the mall with my family when we passed by a Hot Topic. A Twilight poster caught my eye. I was instantly jumping up and down, trying to get my parents to buy it. At the time I had been a big Twilight fan. Go Team Jacob! While I was busy being a silly young kid, an acting teacher noticed me. She said that I would make for a great actor and said I should audition. I did, and got the job. Now I'm working as hard as I can to be an actress, living one of my dreams. I want to open more doors, though, and gain more opportunities, like being able to be an author or singer. Even now I have friends encouraging me to try my best and live out my dreams.
Opening doors leads to new opportunities. Don't just sit there, get up and be active! Follow your heat. Whether you open a door for yourself or for others, we all have an equal chance of opening a door, real or imaginary. Maybe you'll be like Selena and start out small. Maybe you'll be like Margo, and open the door for others. You might even be like me and get an opportunity by being yourself. Think about it. The choice is yours to make. Say it with me; WE HAVE OPPORTUNITIES! Thank you for your time. -
^Is this an okay speech?
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