So I really really need perspective on something
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 19, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: So I really really need perspective on something
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Any one is welcome to share their thoughts, but I’d really appreciate if girls could throw their two cents in, particularly girls closer to the adult age. I know that sounds creepy, but I myself am an adult, and I’d like input from people closer to my age (I’m 21)
Anyway, here goes. So I’m crushing really hard on a coworker of mine. She truly awesome in every way possible. I really really like her a lot. A lot a lot. We’ve become closer as we talk more, but still aren’t as close as I’d like to be. We’ve both established that we’re at least friends. Her best friend works there with us and told her friend that I liked her. So my crush knows I like her. But she doesn’t know to what extent. I wrote down all of my feelings and want to share it or say it to her but idk how to go about it. She also got out of a really bad relationship. We both are sometimes really flirty with each other, with what we say and do (there’s a number of things I can post that we’ve said if more insight is needed.) But this happened recently. We were working together the other day and all was going well. Then another employee walks up and says “you guys would be really cute together!” Then the rest of the night was awkward and she didn’t talk to me. I don’t know why. I try not to over think things so I don’t get hurt but my theory is
A) she got uncomfortable because she knows I liked her, and doesn’t feel the same way.
B) she does like me and got embarrassed like I did.
I have no idea.
Then two days later, I see her and we have the typical small talk and all of a sudden she stops what she’s saying and sniffs, then she leans into me and smells me. I laughed and said “What are you doing” and she responded “you smell really good. Sorry I’m not trying to be weird” she had said laughing. I told her that it was fine and I said thank you.
So like??? The f--- does this s--- mean?
I don’t want to over think things but I do really like her and I just don’t understand how girls think or act so if girls could add insight to this I’d greatly appreciate it. -
I think she’s probably interested, but is scared to get hurt again. You said that she just got out of a really bad relationship, so that is probably still fresh in her mind and depending on how bad the relationship was, she could’ve developed some trust issues. Because I’m sure that before she got into that relationship, her and her ex got along really well and then it developed into something bad, so even if she is interested in you (which she is showing some signs of), in the back of her mind she’s probably thinking something like “well, what if he’s just going to hurt me like my ex did?” So when your coworker said that y’all would look cute together, it probably brought up all those thoughts and feelings for her and that’s why she didn’t talk to you because she was most likely sorting all of that out.
I only know this because I’m kind of the same way. Like I’ll flirt with guys and test the water because we all want to be loved, but when it comes down to actually being with someone, it really scares me because I don’t know how that person is going to be down the line (for me, I’m worried that they’re going to be like my dad). So for her, she’s probably worried that you’re going to be like her ex. The only thing you can really do is to just be patient and give her time. Keep flirting with her and helping her out and just be a friend for now and give her enough time to heal from her past relationship before really expressing your feelings for her. You basically have to show her that you’re not like her ex. She already knows that you like her and if she wasn’t at least a little bit interested in you, she would’ve told you or shown that she’s not interested by being more distant and wouldn’t have complimented you on how you smell -
Thanks for responding btw :)
I suppose this does make sense, I do want to maintain and pursue a stronger friendship and if anything happens then it’ll happen. I also think you’re right by saying that if she wasn’t interested, she probably would have told be.
I’m still open to hearing other opinions too! :) -
So as far as flirting with each other goes, here’s an example of what happened one day.
Our building has two sides and one night we happened to be working on the same side because she was training a new hire in her department ( we’re in different departments btw) and I had a lot of time to kill, so I helped her and her other coworkers by setting up stuff for them. Then as she made her way to the kitchen (where I work) she and her trainee bumped into me and she said “Why are you so good to me?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about” I responded. Of course I did, I just played it off.
She said “you set up all the stuff for us”
I told her that I had time to kill, she said thanks. On my way back to the kitchen, she was still in there and she started to talk to me but I didn’t know she was, so I continued to do what I was doing, and obviously in a joking way, she said “okay nevermind then” and stared laughing and went back to doing what she was doing.
I went back over to her and said “no go ahead what we’re you gonna say”
“I was gonna ask what side you were working on” she said.
I didn’t say I word, I started chuckling and I pointed to the side where she came from and she got all flustered and started laughing and said “whatever leave me alone.” And we both laughed it off. I did the quick thing I had to do while I was outside, I came back in, she was still in the kitchen, so I went up to her and asked her jokingly “hey what side you working tonight?” and laughed that off again.
Fast forward a bit, we get done with what we have to, minus that we have to wait on one thing real quick. We went back and fourth I told her to go do her thing with the person she was training, she said she’d wait, but eventually went after I told her another time. She laughed and said something as she walked away, and when I told her to say it again she said and laughed “if you’re gonna boss me around at least take me to dinner first.” So I told her “name the time and place.” And headed back to the kitchen.
Things like that make me think she’s kinda interested but again, I don’t want to over think things. Maybe she’s just being flirty for the sake of being flirty, but idk man. -
Bumping this
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I do think she's interested in you, but I'm probably just going to sound like I'm repeating what DaughterOfApollo said. She's probably just a little cautious about getting into a situation where she could get hurt again.
I know for me, I don't trust guys very easily. I've been hurt before, so it's made me keep guys mostly at an arm's distance. I like them, I'm interested, and I want to see where it goes, but I'm scared to get too close. But with my boyfriend now, he made it so easy to let my guard down. A couple things he did was just being honest and straightforward, and also not putting any pressure on me. He also did everything in little steps. First it was just asking to hang out. When we were hanging out, it was asking if I wanted to grab something to eat. And from there, seeing how the night went. We both had a good time, so then it was telling me that if I wanted to grab coffee together or just hang out, he would be down for that. He made it very clear he liked me, but was also not pressuring me into anything, and letting me know things were not going to end badly in any way. If the night hadn't gone as well, we'd probably have just ended up as friends. We would always do something casual, but he would be serious,,, like he's not just playing, but at the same time, he was never trying to rush me into anything. So really it just took patience and staying consistent and just being open about where we were at. I think you just need to show her that she can trust you.
Not sure if it matters, but I'm 20 -
That’s a fair way to look at it. I’d love to ask her out, but I feel like it’s still too soon after her break up
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