solivagant
Thread Topic: solivagant
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Solivagant - Rambling alone ; Marked by solitary wandering.
Truly a word that many may feel but not all explain. This may feel lonely, isolating, or even eerily quiet, but to us, this is some of the only quiet we get. The only quiet that can still our forever active heads, even if just for a moment. A place where no one is there to mind how you scream, nor is there anyone to care how you look or act. This loneliness is the most of individualistic freedom one can achieve.
In this thread, I will be venting. Openly letting my feelings flow, as many others do as well. Let this remaind a solitary walk, however; that is to say, this is not for public use or for the public eye. This is intended for myself and my eyes. Thank you. -
I wish I didn't have to work, but alas, I need money. Very unfortune turn of events
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Why do I have had to be born a girl? Or, at least, what is socially considered a girl? I do not strongly believe I was born with a gender, I was born with specific body parts that apparently decide my entire life and role for me.
I think of when my aunt and grandma told me that "boys don't like leg hair", and to that, I must say I don't give a s---. I do not dress for men, now, do I? I dress for my own enjoyment. It's unimportant what a man I haven't met yet thinks of me. I am the only man who should care about what I dress like or how I appear.
I wish on many levels I had been born typically male. I am non-binary, so I do not want to be a binary male, but I desire so strongly to have typically male features and be non-binary. I could be so well-respected. I could be so strong. I could have been someone that others don't mess with. I could have had the body I wish I had. I could have had a flat chest, less curves. Been more comfortable with myself.
Sometimes I wish I could cut off bits of my body, fix them to make them correct. Fix them to make them what I desire. But, instead, I am stuck like this for a while longer. I don't know if I could ever get the body I wish to have. It's unfortunate. I wish I could be who I want to be instantly. -
My assignment is to use ChatGPT to argue against me? My assignment that I have to use generative AI (which I am against) to make me angry on my policy essay on why evil f---ing billionaires should be taxed more?
Are we f---ing joking? -
It's odd, how things worked out. I like quiz sites like this, but I don't feel a huge rush of excitement over it anymore. I like talking to my friends, but rarely get the strong wave of joy from it. I like writing but I don't get a hit of happiness from that. I like Gacha but I don't get eager to make something new every day. Music's starting to feel the same and my fandoms feel less like something I want to do all the time. I don't feel strongly in most directions so now I feel aimless.
It's showing up in a few areas of note. I used to feel very strongly towards helping people but now I'm just awkward. I don't feel extremely guilty about things I used to feel guilty and sad over. I get somewhat excited to talk to my friends but it's a fleeting moment as it's getting harder and harder to keep the connection going. It's just getting older, we all have different responsibilities and focuses.
I don't wish for anything different but I do wish something I am familiar with felt alive again. -
I don't try to bite, but you step on my tail and it hurts.
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Damn kinda realizing that my mom makes me feel threatened and angry and pushed down it's crazy
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We had a speaker on suicide prevention today and I just. She had us list our sources of strength/support but I just have my few friends (all of whom are unreliable to talk to) and a walk in clinic. I don't have strong family support. I don't have any particular teacher or mentor I would be okay opening up to. I hate being reminded.
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Bro okay I told my mom I wanted to drive to my senior skip day and she told me no and told me to adjust MY work schedule or bother MY classmates because SHE doesn't want me driving in a bigger city. I get it's a safety thing but it was quite literally the best situation I am offered. I'm just annoyed. This is why I dislike telling her things, and why I'm so excited to just choose to do something because I can.
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