Dum Vita Est, Spes Est

Thread Topic: Dum Vita Est, Spes Est

• 

  Sad_Kitten Advanced

  yesterday, 11:23am
  Hey!
  
  So I decided to make a vent thread, because life is difficult and I really don't have anyone in my personal life I can talk to.
  
  As a reminder, I am 24 years old. Please don't post in here if you are a minor. I mainly am using this as an online diary, until I can get back into therapy and get insurance.
• 

  Sad_Kitten Advanced

  yesterday, 12:04pm
  June 14th, 2025
  Time: 11:34 a.m
  GIF of the Day:
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  I am feeling alone today. I feel like I am either stuck here (at mom's house), or I am going to work. Last night, some co-workers that I absolutely adore went to the local fair, and I wanted to go with them. I couldn't, because "we don't have the money", and "I don't have the gas". I was willing to pay for the gas there and back, plus the cost of entry. I am feeling defeated, because I don't have anyone to talk to. I am trying to work on myself, but I feel constantly tired. I come 'home' from work, and I just want to sleep.
  
  I haven't been able to work out, because I don't get a lot of alone time. I feel like I am in a room full of people, but I'm alone at the same time. I don't talk much anymore. I was thinking about it last night and even at work I will tend to stay inside the training room on my breaks, rather than going outside and talking to my co-workers. I love the friends I've made at work. It's nice to find people in the middle of nowhere that I can get along with.
  
  When I came up here, I only thought it would be super religious people, since that's the majority of people my mom knows. Working this job has definitely given me hope that I can make friends, but I feel like I am going to be in the same rut that I was in when I lived with my dad. I can have friends, but I can't go anywhere.
  
  Then church. That's a whole separate ballgame. The place where I work, a lot of mom's church members work their too. Not to mention, I am tired of going to church with her, but if I don't go; she gets upset. I am trying my best to abide by her rules, since I am under her roof; but I can feel my depression creeping back in. A couple of weeks ago, I had a really bad panic attack, and because of that my anxiety was really bad for the rest of the week. When I went to talk to her about it, her response to me was 'just pray about it', 'just read your bible' and the one we all know and love; 'just don't worry about it'. I don't ask for a lot, and I try to minimize my presence while I am in their home (due to multiple reasons).
  
  I just feel tired, and I can't be myself.

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