My corner
Thread Topic: My corner
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I just want him to be happy. I don't want him to ever be hurt by anyone or himself ever again.
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And I want to hug him. I want him to hug me. I want to tell him I love him out loud. I want to see his face. Hear his voice. I want new things to love about him. I want to love everything about him. I want him to know I love everything about him. I want him to listen to me talk about him and forget his worries and his thoughts or whatever might trouble him. I want to comfort him. I want him to be happy.
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That sounds terribly obsessive..
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Ugh, I need to log the fck off.
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There's drama now. Oh, not between us. One of his other bsfs. Well, an ex bsf now. Makes me realize how boring but safe my social life has been.
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Makes me feel a little uncomfortable, but I won't tell him that.
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It's so easy to see right through him. Such an adorable liar..
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I'm going to be fine. I'm gonna ignore my thoughts. I'll casually isolate myself from everyone. I'll pretend I am fine.
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I'll even make him believe it. I'll even convince myself I'm fine and that there's nothing wrong.
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I. Am. Fine.
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Step 1: figure out how to hide from my thoughts
Step 2: stop venting to him to make him believe I am better now
Step 3: Act like everything is fine, fake smile, pretend to be enthusiastic, laugh when you'd rather die, etc.
Step 4: start believing myself that I am fine
Step 5: done! -
Surely this will work. First, I gotta figure out how to hide from my thoughts. Well... doomscrolling.. music... calling my friend.. that's abt it.
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Yes, then I'll never have to worry abt him again. Right? And I'll be fine.
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Now I can quickly do step 2 by keeping my stupid mouth shut. It will hurt. But it's fine. I will be fine.
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I already usually do step 3 anyway. It's funny how fast I can go from dying laughing to a straight face.
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