When Your Reflection in the Mirror Isnt Quite The Same
- Locked due to inactivity on May 9, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: When Your Reflection in the Mirror Isnt Quite The Same
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I hate mirrors so why’d I make this my thread title
Eh -
Tired of the games
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I SWEAR I AM f---ING TIRED OF THEIR f---ING BULLs---.
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OH, SO NOTHING BELONGS TO ME?
f---ING NOTHING???
AND YOU SAID
IN YOUR f---ING OWN STARS BE DAMNED WORDS
THAT I DON'T DESERVE MY f---ING PRIVACY BECAUSE I'M NOT EIGHTEEN YET??? THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I f---ING THINK YOU SHOULD f---ING ROT IN HELL. -
Mom: *walks in on me doing school things*
Me: *hides computer screen because it was a science video and it was animated and for some reason I thought it was embarrassing*
Mom: *notices* *walks over and shoves her head into my personal space to see what's on my screen* wHaT aRe YoU dOiNg
Me: School work... can you please stop? Or go away? What do you want?
My brain: THE HELL WAS THAT FOR b----
Mom: Welllllll it looked like you were hiding something so I was just making sure you weren't... like... playing a game or something...
Me: ....don't I deserve my privacy?
Mom: Haha, no ma'am, ((this really makes me uncomfortable and is part of the reason I'm strictly not female but like not like I can tell her *shrugs*)) you are thirteen years old, your computer isn't even yours, it's mine, your phone isn't yours, it's mine, I can grab it anytime I want and dig through all your haha 'personal information' anytime I want. And now I think I WILL just because you SAID SOMETHING.
My brain: No b---- that computer ain't yours it's the school's you f---ing idiot
Me: ...ok
Me *because I really don't know when to quit sometimes*: But it's still my personal info right
Mom: No nothing is your personal info you're thirteen you don't get privacy lmfao it's all my business and clearly if this is your reaction from me looking at your computer screen then I've been letting you have too much freedom and you're getting it in your head that you can do whatever you want so clearly I need to look into what you're really doing more often *leaves*
Me: *flipping her off after she leaves and I've heard her go downstairs*
My brain: THE f--- YOU f---ING b---- I f---ING HATE YOU YOU DON'T DESERVE THE LIGHT OF THE f---ING SKIES OR STARS WHY THE f--- DON'T I GET PRIVACY. THE MOMENT I TURN EIGHTEEN I SURE AS HELL HOPE YOU KNOW WHY I'LL BE PACKING MY BAGS AND OUT THE DOOR BEFORE YOU CAN DO ANY f---ING THING ABOUT IT> -
That was this morning. The rest of the day I did a little laundry- put stuff on drying racks, folded sheets and stuffs, etc. I chilled out in my room, went outside in the snow because it wasn't actually that cold out even if it was a ton of snow, and just drew things and stuff. I came downstairs a few times and it was basically my mom wanted to tell me all these things going on with her and what she had seen and wanted to hear nothing to do with me, some nice mom I have, don't I.
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How are they just
Fùcking
Cool
With
It
My own friends
Didn’t really expect
You can say you’re sorry but you’ll never actually know if there was a truly meant feeling behind it, no matter what the teller told.
I say I forgive but I don’t forget.
And when I’ve had to forgive for so long
THE SAME PERSON
I just can’t do it anymore -
Why tf does it BOTHER ME SO MUCH
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I know I'm their friend and I should be supportive but maybe I don't like that at nay given moment they could decide that a version of them feels like me and is going to act like me idk maybe I LIKE being my own person, maybe I LIKE no one BEING EXACTLY LIKE ME, and even though it hasn't happened yet it COULD, and...
s---. -
I didn't want to hurt them. I didn't mean to. I just...
I think everyone is their own person under their own name(s) with their own unique personality. And, good or bad, no one should be able to take that from them.
I hadn't even brought up that I wouldn't like it if they had one of me, they brought that one up themselves. And since they clearly weren't afraid to say things that hurt me, I flat out told them that I'd do the same to them. And I did. I spoke my true thoughts with absolutely no filtering out some of the worse things that I probably shouldn't have said.
Is it bad that right now I barely regret a thing?
I am me and no one gets to take that from me, I don't care who the f--- they are.
And if they're going to go off and flat out insult me and basically say they don't want me in their life if I won't 'accept them for who they are'- it's not even a matter of acceptance this far down the line- if they're just going to say something hurtful like that, if they're going to leave me and forget about me, like we haven't been through so much together, with only so much as a 'goodbye have a nice life', then you know what?
You f---ing know what???
I don't care anymore. I just don't. They really aren't the person I thought they were. If they were just going to... hurt me like that and flat out say that they don't care about me and what does and doesn't make me comfortable, then... they just... I don't know... don't deserve my friendship???
I want to be their friend, but some things... especially after that... that just can't be forgiven. -
I didn't want to hurt them. I didn't mean to. I just...
Hey, everyone makes mistakes. It’s okay to mess up sometimes. And on a topic like this? It sounds like a toxic friendship… I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I’m proud of you for not bottling up your emotions. Remember to express your anger when you’re calm. <3
I hadn't even brought up that I wouldn't like it if they had one of me, they brought that one up themselves. And since they clearly weren't afraid to say things that hurt me, I flat out told them that I'd do the same to them. And I did. I spoke my true thoughts with absolutely no filtering out some of the worse things that I probably shouldn't have said.
Hey, I’m glad you’re reflecting! Once again it sounds like a toxic relationship. Words can be said that hurts one or the other, but you can get through this. It can be difficult, I know, but just reach out for help if anything’s bothering you!
Is it bad that right now I barely regret a thing?
Not at all! If you’re having emotions about someone, it can be normal to not regret it. It also relates to them causing pain and distress in your life, giving you the need to say something that will harm them emotionally as they’ve done to you. But remember to reflect 💛
And if they're going to go off and flat out insult me and basically say they don't want me in their life if I won't 'accept them for who they are'- it's not even a matter of acceptance this far down the line- if they're just going to say something hurtful like that, if they're going to leave me and forget about me, like we haven't been through so much together, with only so much as a 'goodbye have a nice life', then you know what?
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I can’t understand everything we’re going through because I’m not you, but having a close friendship and then they dump you going off like that, it can hurt. A lot. I’ve been there, maybe not in the same situation, but something sort of like it… I’m so so sorry. -
You don't have to feel bad for me, Es. I love you and you shouldn't have to go through this like I do... though I'll probably end up discussing it with you on Q...
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So. They decided to chit chat today like nothing happened last night. Like they didn't... block me or anything.
Here's some stuff I'll happily quote down here and review some chunks of our conversation.
Me:
If this is [eradicated]... perhaps you'd like to explain why you blocked me?
Oh I already know the situation you were in. But I've only blocked and unblocked someone once. And that wasn't out of anger, that was out of I thought they'd hate me.You just straight up blocked me and I do have proof, and all I want to know is why. Trying to cut off contact with me?
Don't see anything wrong with what I said here, I was just asking a question.
Them:
well actually i was just um not logged into the account
That was their first paragraph which didn't exactly make sense given the context but well-
Here's their second paragraph
it was a soft block, which is blocking and unblocking someone quickly so that both people arent following each other. i wasnt trying to hard block you (keeping you blocked), and i dont know exactly why i did so, i just do things impulsively when i have get into certain emotional states would i say? i dont know honestly and you can refollow if you want /gen
Alright we're gonna have to break that paragraph of their's up... this is going to be a s--- ton of typing. -
it was a soft block, which is blocking and unblocking someone quickly so that both people arent following each other.
So, they were trying to make it so we weren't following each other? At the time my question really was, what, were they trying to cut off contact with me? Did they just want me to... go away? I think they took care of that one last night by telling me to 'get out of their life'.
i wasnt trying to hard block you (keeping you blocked), and i dont know exactly why i did so, i just do things impulsively when i have get into certain emotional states would i say?
Hard block- I didn't know that was a thing and there's a part of me that wonders if they just made that up..
Why- Oh, I don't know why you did it either.. that's why I asked. Though any reason you give won't suffice for the amount of hate you poured onto me last night -
Here's my response:
The only reason I follow people is so that they follow back and we can talk in pm rather than dm. You, as you were clearly trying to cut off contact with me, are probably not going to do that. Oh, I understand, you don't want me in your life. Great. You already stated that a few hundred times.
Just the right amount of logic, sarcasm, exaggeration, and hurt put in to stir that pot. I probably could've gone without the sarcasm and exaggeration, but... I wanted them to know how I felt.
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