YEEESSSSSSSS.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:22pm
Thread Topic: YEEESSSSSSSS.
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I FINALLY FINISHED MY SUSPENSE STORY FOR CREATIVE WRITING. WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR/SEE IT?
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Kitty_Cat NewbieSure.
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Yayz~ Some peoples read part of it already, but now tis complete. >:D
"Stay, darling! Stay with me forever!" the girl said with a smile of pure lunacy on her face. The corners of her mouth seemed to reach all the way up to each ear, and her wide, bloodshot eyes were a startling shade of red. She was a very small girl, looking as young as fifteen, and with long blond hair that reached her elbows when her hands were placed directly at her side. For a moment he wondered just how afraid he should really be of a girl so much smaller than himself, whether she was crazy or not.
Then he noticed the heavy butcher knife in her hands- practiced hands that held it so assuredly, he felt almost certain if she threw it at him, even at this distance, it would plant itself firmly in his forehead. His thoughts turned immediately to self-preservation.
"What's the knife supposed to be for?" he asked nonchalantly, taking a step back toward the hallway. The girl held up the knife to her face, examining it confusedly, as if she didn't remember ever having picked it up.
"The knife is to make you stay." She finally concluded, and held it out toward him again. He swallowed, and took another step back.
"But knives kill people." He protested quietly. It took him a moment to realize that despite the steps he took away, she was still the same dangerously close distance from him. She's moving forward!
He glared at her feet as she answered.
"Not if you use them right. I know how to use my knife. I can take away your legs and you'll never run again!" she said in a high-pitched cheer, obviously very proud of herself. She took a miniscule step toward him, the smile never leaving her face. That smile was the most terrifying part of it all. Not the tight space, not the darkness, and not even that knife. It was that smile, that never seemed to register anything but a high sort of happiness.
"But you said you love me!" he countered, not bothering to hide the steps he took away anymore. She paused this time.
"I do love you." She said blankly, and blinked.
"Then why would you want to hurt me?" he reasoned, and felt his back press against the wall that led into that corridor.
"I love you.. So you have to stay with me." She replied, tilting her head on one side. Deprive stared at her, but continued inching to the side, closer to the hallway.
"I can't stay with you. I have to-"
"You'll stay here forever and ever!" she screamed suddenly, cutting him off. She lunged at him, knife outstretched. The girl was faster than she would have appeared to be, and he was barely able to move out of the way before the knife met with the wall, sinking several inches in. He fell to the ground at her feet, and stared at it in disbelief. At that angle, the knife would have pinned him to the wall by the shoulder. Not a shot to kill, but a shot he wouldn't have escaped, certainly. She hadn't been exaggerating when she'd said she knew how to use her knife..
He staggered to his feet, and was happy to take the more available route past her, toward the outside. To get away altogether would be even better than trapping himself back in that nightmarish basement.
He hit the door she had come through hard, and fumbled with the door knob. It was locked. He whirled back around to watch her attempt to pull her knife free from the wall. She tugged at it for a good thirty seconds without paying any mind to him. She knew I'd get here..
When finally she decided the knife wasn't coming loose, she turned to him, a disappointed look on her face, though the smile never faded. She sighed.
"That was my favorite knife.." she mumbled, kicking at the ground. She reached into her pocket, and pulled out a small metallic thing. It glimmered in the dull light of the torches, and his eyes widened as he realized what it was- a pocket knife. She flipped it open, and smiled wider.
"Don't worry, darling. I have another." She started a slow, leisurely walk toward him. The girl was well aware he had no escape.
"Please stop.." he whimpered, pressing himself against the door as if it would put more distance between them.
"We'll be together forever." She said, ignoring his plea, and showed sharp teeth in her smile.
"Please!"
"You won't run anymore.."
"I'm sorry!"
"It's okay, darling. I know you didn't mean it. But I'll make it go away, like it never happened."
The girl crept forward at a slow pace that felt alarmingly fast, pocket knife pressed softly against her chest. Deprive felt his eyes go so wide they hurt as she paused a foot away from him.
"Ready?" she breathed, as if giving him the option. He sucked in a deep breath, and squeezed his eyes shut.
"No.." he mumbled, knowing already in the core of his being that she wouldn't stop for a "no". At first, he didnt feel anything. Hed already begun to wonder whether something had made her stop when it finally hit him- a jarring pain in his shoulder, as if something very cold had been shoved into the crevice between his arm bone and the joint, then pushed further and further in. He gasped aloud, eyes bolting open without his consent.
She stood there, hands clutched tightly around the tiny hilt of the pocket knife, or whatever small portion of it wasnt sunk into his shoulder, trying to pull it loose. By the worried look on her face, he could see it wasnt cooperating. His mind was dully aware that it should be looking for a way to escape while she was disarmed, but the pain made it difficult to think about anything. Each time she tugged at it, a new jolt of pain raced down his arm and shocked his throat.
At some point, the flow of blood from the wound picked up further still, and the knife began sliding out little by little, cutting open the edges of its site of entry even more. He watched in silence, grinding his teeth, until she finally finished dragging it out of his shoulder. As soon as he was free of the intruding blade, he kicked out, catching her by surprise with a strong blow to the stomach. It felt strange to him to injure a girl- it went against everything hed learned as a child. But then, this girl was probably neglecting quite a few childhood lessons in courtesy by doing all she was..
She dropped the knife and doubled over to clutch at her stomach, a gesture he had learned long before never helped stop pain. He took advantage of her distraction, kicking the knife far away. She paused in her groaning to stare at it, eyes wide, as it slid across the floor and hit the wall on the opposite side of the room. Deprive stared at it for a long moment, then looked at her.
I dont suppose you had any more? he asked wearily, still keeping a distance. She looked up sadly and shook her head. He let out a sigh of relief, and turned his attention back to the door. He stared at it for a long moment until he remembered exactly what he was doing, then turned back to face her.
The key. he said, holding his hand out toward her. She glared at it, parted her lips, and hissed. He felt his eyes widen in surprise at the sound as she shook her head stubbornly.
Give it! he commanded, taking a step toward her now that she was unarmed. Still, she was faster than he had contemplated, and the girl was on her feet in the blink of an eye, making a mad dash for the knife. For a moment, he considered trying to rush her before she could reach the knife, but she was too close already, and she snatched it up without a problem, wheeled on him, and held it out.
I thought. wed been over this she panted, smiling again. You wont leave! Never! Stay with me forever and ever! she said, her voice cracking mid-sentence into a hysterical laugh. Before he could respond, shed lunged again. This time, when he tried to duck out of the way, he found himself trapped by the door and the walls surrounding it closely. He glanced up frantically, just in time to see the cruel point of the knife an inch from his right eye.
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"Hey, mister?"
Deprive blinked, lifting his eyes from the concrete sidewalk under his feet to gaze at the girl in front of him. Her scarlet eyes shone as she offered him a sweet smile, and her blond hair, blown by the wind, brushed lightly against his face.
"Hm?" he managed, eyes wide at the connection his mind made, rather slowly given the innocent smile on her face.
"Did you hear me? I said, can I walk with you?" -
Kitty_Cat NewbieEw, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. >_< I can't read past the jolts of pain when it gets stuck. Ew.
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Awz. Skip that part then. xD
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"The key." he said, holding his hand out toward her. She glared at it, parted her lips, and hissed. He felt his eyes widen in surprise at the sound as she shook her head stubbornly.
"Give it!" he commanded, taking a step toward her now that she was unarmed. Still, she was faster than he had contemplated, and the girl was on her feet in the blink of an eye, making a mad dash for the knife. For a moment, he considered trying to rush her before she could reach the knife, but she was too close already, and she snatched it up without a problem, wheeled on him, and held it out.
"I thought.... we'd been over this...." she panted, smiling again. "You wont leave! Never! Stay with me forever and ever!" she said, her voice cracking mid-sentence into a hysterical laugh. Before he could respond, she'd lunged again. This time, when he tried to duck out of the way, he found himself trapped by the door and the walls surrounding it closely. He glanced up frantically, just in time to see the cruel point of the knife an inch from his right eye...
This part, I find, is quite hard to read with all of my punctuation removed like that. e.e So here. -
Kitty_Cat NewbieAh. So it's about a guy on the street who walks with a girl and that mess happens?
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Sort of... I'm not good with details. The guy's kind of important, and he was just trying to walk home. And he's all chivalrous and stuff, so when a little girl asks if he'd walk with her, he doesn't say no, and.... Well, yes, this mess happens. xD What do you think?
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Kitty_Cat NewbieI think it's interesting. :3 gross, but interesting.
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Yayz~ ^-^ This one took me a while~ I need to put more detail in, though. I could do better there.
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Kitty_Cat NewbieI honestly think it's fine. But if you're adding more details then maybe try to touch on why the girl is like that.
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Mkayz~ Thank you. :3
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Wait, the second part you put. Did that happen before the chick went all crazy on him?
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Kitty_Cat NewbieWelcome. :3
@Audree I'm not exactly sure if he saw it coming or if it's a flashback. :/
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