heartless
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:21pm
Thread Topic: heartless
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heartless Newbiethe name suits me, no?
The fact is that everyone wears masks. We hide our shame, and our pain from the world. We suppress our emotions and our opinions so we can maintain the image we want the world to see us by.
My name is heartless. I have been through 8 relationships with 6 people. I have lost friends without knowing why. Most of my family has lost interest in me, and the few who still do are dissapointed.
I have gotten used to this pain. The mask that I wear is one of indifference. I no longer feel hurt or betrayed. When people are dissapointed, I shrug it off and don't care.
That is until late at night; when the whole world only knows me as heartless. I take down my mask and I speak of what is hurting me. And yet even though I shed that which defines me in my life, I still catch myself being indifferent to the suffering of others. And by extension, I don't feel hurt for myself.
The mask we use to protect ourselves from the world, become part of us. They burn us and change us in ways we didn't agree to. And before we have a chance to take them off and say no, our masks become our faces. And we cannot take them off.
I am not writing this for pity. I am not writing this to make you all feel bad for me. I am writing this because it is me. And I have come to accept that.
Heartless.
The name suits me, no? -
oh...
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heartless NewbieHello nuna.
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hi sorry oh was all i could say...
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heartless Newbieit's fitting.
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haha sure if you say so
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*cries*
That was beautiful~ -
heartless Newbieit does seem to fit nuna.
And thank you, dark. -
I don't think anyone could top that. .3.
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heartless Newbiei wasn't trying for any best.
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Still....
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heartless NewbieWe all build walls. Not always to keep people out, but sometimes to see who will try hard enough to break them down.
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That is one of my favorite lines~
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wow. Now I'm kinda starting to think that you're awesome.
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heartless NewbieI honestly think it matters more to people than e give it credit for. Loneliness is a powerful thing. It is quiet and still. And in that desolate solitude people can actually start to see. Not with their eyes like they use to perceive things around them. But with their hearts; to perceive themselves.
But we don't always have to feel lonely. It's painful and unnecessary. If I really wanted to, I could go to sleep, and in the morning there would be new people and new events to keep me from feeling lonely. But I choose to stay lonely for now, because as I mentioned before, it is times like now when we can perceive ourselves for what we really are. The greatest realizations come in one of two times. When we've hit rock bottom, and when we're alone. I don't want to hit rock bottom any time soon, so I choose to evaluate myself when I am alone.
I chat on here solely because I think better when I type out my thoughts.
A strange irony.
I can only function in a lonely situation, if I'm narrating to an audience.
But back to topic; a loneliness is not always bad. Though it may hurt and leave you feeling like you're suffocating on the overwhelming feeling that you know nobody cares enough to know the real you, loneliness is what gives you the real you. It is when your brain sits down with your heart and says, "alright, impress me."
You learn how your mind and your emotions can coexist to form you. The idea might not always be pretty. But I would rather see myself for an ugly truth, than a pretty lie.
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