I was non-verbal until I was 7 years old. Even now, I honestly don't like to say much. My parents are always getting on me for nodding, pointing, or gesturing, but it's what works best for me.
It is hard. I really started talking good at 12. Now, I don't really want to talk anymore. I can type easily to some extent because I don't have directly voice anything. These are my honest thoughts, and I just type it as I feel or think them.
Nobody would have ever guessed that this goes on, however. They may see that I'm not good at talking, but all of this? Perhaps not.
1 Corinthians 13 (NIV) If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I do, and always will feel that this part doesn't change. I never doubt or question it. This is what makes me so forgiving and concerned about others.
But, I know that there are some things in life I may never be able to fix. Sadly, that's just the way it is.
Sometimes, I feel utterly helpless, and it's clear as day when it's happening. I choke up, I panic, I can't speak in complete thoughts or clear intentions. It's hard for me to express, and it's hard for others to understand. That's the only thing I feel bad about. So if anything's bothering me, it's that. But this is a little funny. Made me laugh, actually, even though this happens, on a serious note.