She always does
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:32pm
Thread Topic: She always does
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She looks at you
She kisses you
She smiles
She comforts you
She loves you
She snuggles you
She hides with you
She cries with you
She hears it too
She is scared
She betrays you
She hates you
She picks on you
She isn't sorry
She hurts you
Shesobs
She apologizes
She is sad
She comes back
She looks at you
Again
She always does -
*applauds*
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I read your story GA. Like it. But can I give some suggestions for improvement?
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You read it all on the Library?Yay!I know.The first one is bad.I know.I know.I know.
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Here, I'll just pu this down:
Things I liked:
1. Grammar. The graer was decent and I'm glad you used it properly. I HATE when people use incorrect grammar.
2. Spelling, punctuation, and captalization. At least I didn't have to skim through 1st grade level passages.
3. The plot. Although it was confusing and a little cliche at first, it was a good pick.
Things to improve
1. Choice of words. I think you should add a bit more interesting vocabulary to spice it up and keep the reader piqued.
2. How you write it. It gets timid after a while when every time there's no space after a comma or period. Maybe practice that? I don't know if you don't want to touch the space bar or your keyboard's broken, or...?
3. Suspense. Although what happened was eerie, it didn't really hit it. It didn't seem like it was as bad as you wanted it to be. Adding vocab would help and maybe even exaggerating the situation would improve.
I hope this helped. I know you're a great writer, and you should keep on doing what you're doing :)
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