It was then that I realized my own stupidity.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:31pm
Thread Topic: It was then that I realized my own stupidity.
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Long had I wondered what held me back from the intelligence I felt deep within me. It all hit me so suddenly.
I wasn't able to grow. As I did when I was in grade school, I desperately tried to mimick other personalities to fit in and please the people I admired. If I even dared to share my own thought, I was called 'transparent', 'dumb', 'poser'...
I'm just a deadpan with no personality. I tried to create one.
I loved to watch gore. Seeing the people who rejected me being hurt pleased me. I loved to cut myself. Hurting the idiot I had become let lose angers I had repressed. Seeing I had this in common with others, I tried to join their group. I wasn't into metal, eyeliner, eyepatch hair or Japanese cartoons, but I needed a place to belong. I tried so hard. I was so bad. I was a horrible artist and still am. However, these cartoons somehow drew me in. I began to love it. I started to draw constantly, improving at incredible rates without ever having to trace or pretend like I had seen others do. I found something I was good at.
I still didn't fit in.
How I tried and tried to find a group. But none fully accepted me. None do so currently.
That's why I'm leaving. Not forever, but I won't be on often. When I am, I'll only post a picture and vague description. I won't converse with anyone.
I told myself I wouldn't announce it.
But I have to explain.
I can't pretend anymore.
I'm not doing this.
It's nobody's fault but my own.
http://postimg.org/image/rk3zpefkh/
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