It's gonna be a looooooong summer.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:29pm
Thread Topic: It's gonna be a looooooong summer.
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I knew this would happen. I just knew it. I knew I'd get all sad and depressed this summer. f---... And there's still ten damn weeks to go. This is why I dreaded this summer. I always get really upset and sad during the summer, but now that I've gotten so attached to Peyton and all my other friends... Summer's dangerous for me. I only ever have people to talk to at school, and the only person that would always have fun with me, make me laugh, and not hate me was Peyton. I won't see Peyton for another two months. I missed him like hell for the small breaks we would have during the year, I just knew I'd miss him during the summer. Even during the school year I would get depressed, and Peyton was the only thing that would keep me from getting suicidal. Peyton was like a painkiller. He'd make me happy and distract me from all the horrible things in the world. We were both going through hard times with our family, and we made each other happy and kept each other from getting sad. But now... I don't have him... Like I've said, even a long time ago I'd get lonely and depressed in the summer, but the way I've been lately it's just going to be magnified, and yeah, no Peyton... I'm actually pretty worried... I don't want to end up becoming that girl that's always suicidal, depressed, and alone. I don't. I want to be happy. But how can I? Almost everyone on here hates me, the ones that don't I can hardly even carry out a conversation with, and I piss off my family constantly, blocking off all possibilities of me actually feeling loved. And sometimes summer just seems like a bottomless pit that I can never escape out of, and like there's no point in life. I guess there really isn't if I don't have Peyton... I just know I'm going to reach new levels of depression this summer. But hell, I don't know how low they'll be. Will I result to cutting? Suicide? No, no, I can't. I just can't. Except it's already happening. For the past three days I've cried at least twice a day, and I have actually already cut. And I hate myself for it, because I know I'm just hurting myself and sounding like an attention whore. But I really, really don't have anyone that actually loves me anymore, and I won't for a long time. What's the point of treating myself well? God... I feel so pathetic... I even want to punch myself in the face for sounding this attention whorish. Why am I even typing this? I don't even know, I've said it before, and what do I expect to get back? Of course, hate. All this place is to me is another place to get hated. Then why the hell don't I get off the site? Well, first of all, it's addicting. Second, I'll feel even more alone because then I really wouldn't have anyone to talk to. I just don't know what to do.
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o.e I'm so stupid... I sound like such an attention whore...
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Leah.... *Huggles*
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Hmm...
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I'm sorry you feel that way :\
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Surrrreee.
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....? What is that supposed to....?
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