- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:22pm
Thread Topic: The loner
Repoman NewbieOnce again I am by myself they don't care about anyone else They never see me they don't really care all I am is made of air I could scream and shout and yet as always I am left out I am invisible I don't exist that is the toughest part of it please don't ignore me let me play I don 't want to be left out in the rain and yet they still never see the pain to have friends was a goal I could never attain so here I sit on the outside looking in wishing I had someone to call friend.
Woah. Girl, no.
First of all, that whole paragraph was one sentance. Use periods, commas, semi-colons, colons, heiphens, dashes, exclamation points, and question marks. It gives character to your writing. Reading that pissed me off just because it didnt have any of those things. When people read stuff without any of those things, they dont slow down, and it all just zips through their brain.
Unexpected NoviceCorrections included:
Once again, I am by myself;they don't care about anyone else. They never see me, they don't really care. All I am is made of air- I could scream and shout and yet as always, I am left out. I don't exist- that is the toughest part of it. Please don't ignore me, let me play! I don't want to be let out in the rain, and yet they still never see the pain. To have friends was a goal I could never attain, so hear I sit on the outside, looking in, wishing I had someone to call my friend.
If you add the puncuation, it's pretty good, sort of depressing. And yeah, Skyler's right.
Sounds so much more proffesional that way.
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