And my name is....

  • Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:21pm

Thread Topic: And my name is....

  • avatar
    The Popolisk Junior
    Thanks again for helping, and no, there are no explosions in what I write; mostly it's poems and essays, with one self-analysis thrown in for good measure. Anyway, my name on there is Blather Brumble. If you don't have a FP account, you can just use this to help. Thank you so much!
  • Missy Prissy Cat Experienced
    Okay so I read your "Words" rant. Trust me, it's a rant if I know anything in this world it's how to rant. Some negatives, ranting is really free speech on something you have a lot of passion for. I can sense the passion in the argument (be it anger/frustration/annoyance with words and double meanings) however it's a little mixed up. I know order isn't really something important when it comes to this but it felt a little choppy. Not because you put it in paragraphs (by all means please continue to do just that) but you kind of jumped around from point to point a little too suddenly. A way to fix this is a little something I use in English class for bonus marks. You must relate your previous point with the next point SOMEHOW!!! Example: (from an actual essay I had to do on a "Midsummer Night's Dream") *previously talked about Oberon and Titanta's relationship and love potion* "The use of the love potion made the relationship of Oberon and Titania eventually stronger, however the use of the love potion with Lysander and Hermia only made their relationship worse." *continues to talk about Hermia and Lysander* this transition makes the points feel a little smoother, although you don't have to be so wordy it's a rant about words after all. You can just say "I hate words *insert ranting points here* It is senseless, but besides the fact that they're senseless words have far too many meanings *insert ranting points about word meanings*" I hope you understand what I'm getting at, just try to transition a little smoother next time ("and" can only be used so many times). One last other negative, don't try to get inside people's minds. Okay that didn't make any sense let me try again. Don't say "I know it sounds like I'm saying..." in a rant. You're assuming too much from your audience (yes audience, they choose to read it they're an audience to your voice, never forget that) if you want to add it for comedy go right ahead, but in this case you're just bringing on a false point for no reason. It's like if I said "I really love dark chocolate, I know it sounds like I'm saying I hate the other chocolates but I don't" see how unnessesary that was? If you get your point across perfectly the first time, the audience should use their process of elimination and figure out that you really like chocolates... er I mean hate word meanings. Okay glad I got that out of the way, time for some positives! I L.O.V.E the irony in this. You're ranting about the fact that words can't explain thoughts clearly. YET, you admit that the words you chose to use in the rant don't amount to you're true feelings and fall flat in what you're trying to explain about how descriptions don't work. It's bizzarely brilliant, and you can quote me on that. In fact I found the most important parts were the ones that you seperated from the rest of the paragraphs. Here watch this "I hate words." "I so, so loathe it." "My meaning was lost to a shower of words." "Oh, how I hate words. That's all you really needed to get your emotions across. The whole explaination of why was hammered down by irony, and I loved that. Some of your points I understood really quickly (which is why you don't have to say "I know it sounds like I'm saying...") and others I got a bit confused about but that was the point so I'm not going to bother going all English teacher on you Teacher: "you need to make this clearer" Me: "WHAT DON'T YOU GET??? SHE HATES WORDS!!! How can her opinion grant her a B-??? Just because you don't understand her explaination is exactly the point. What part of that didn't you get teacher HUH WHAT PART??? (sorry, flashback. I'm a little opinionated when it comes to judgements, some people just don't get it *shrugs* I guess we're the lucky ones) so I think that's about it for that. I'll comment on this thing the next time I read something of yours okay? Sweet, and never let the cage of words trap you. Peace out!
  • avatar
    The Popolisk Junior
    Yeah, I'm easily distracted, and I guess a bit of that gets into my writing; I'll try toget better at it. Transitions are a problem for me, because, like you said, you can only use and so many times. With me changing the subject so often... Yikes, that's not going to be fun to fix. This's why I like poetry better- transitions are more dreamlike, if that makes sense
    *Wince* Oh geez, I didn't notice that. Thinking about it, it really is pretty unnecessary. To begin with, I only put those things in there because that's what it sounded like to me, and since not everyone is me... Anyway, THAT is going to be a huge headache to fix, but thanks for pointing it out.
    Irony is my best freind, along with metaphors. Clarity is my worst enemy, again one of the reasons I was assuming. 'Bizzarely brilliant.' I really like that. It sounds like something my old english teacher would say (she was awesome. XD)
    You really helped. It's nice for someone to point out what I did wrong instead of going, "Oh, it's good enough, you don't need to worry about the little mistakes." Because then it's like, " WHAT LITTLE MISTAKES?!"
    Bleh. Hate that.
    Oh, and I know I asked for help, but could you please not read In My Head? That's kind of... Well, this might not make sense, but that's for strangers, mostly. I feel really bad asking, so if you still want to read it you can. It'd just... meh. Never mind. XD

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