Critics
- Locked due to inactivity on Nov 29, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: Critics
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i need an opinion on a book im writing
Chapter Two
The day we found out Calli had cancer in her brain started out like a normal day. *two year earlier* Calli and I were eating breakfast at the table while our dog, Echo, was being her usual playful self.
¨..And today we gonna read a story about polar bears!¨ Calli said, enthusiastically explaining her plans for the day. Calli was in Pre-K and was discovering she adored school. I, on the other hand was dreading going to my first day of 6th grade.
Because of my parents jobs, we moved quite often. The only friend I have is Echo. My parents got her to make the moves easier for me and Calli.
¨Momma can we have Spaghetti for dinner?¨ Calli wondered aloud.
Mom looked up from her coffee and paper. ¨Only if your father and Jamie want it too.¨ she said while smiling. ¨Yay!!¨ Calli exclaimed, a look of pure bliss on her face. She sharply turned around, saying ¨ Jamie can we ha-¨
¨Calli hold still!¨ I said with frustration. I had finished my breakfast and was now putting Callis long thick black hair into a fishtail braid. ¨Oops, im sorry Jamie.¨ She said giving me a look so precious you could not help but not get mad.
I sighed. ¨I don't care if thats what we have for dinner as long as there´s garlic bread as well.¨ ¨Mmmm, garlic bread.¨ My dad said as he walked into the room. Mom and Calli laughed. Dad and I both love garlic bread. ¨its a family trait.¨ my dad once told me.
After that, I walked Calli to school and then walked across the street to my own school. After getting my schedule and pass from the office, I walked down the long corridors of Bayleaf Middle school, trying to find homeroom.
this is what i have so far -
This is really good
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thnxxx
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Np
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i like it :D
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I like the story, but however you writing skill need a bit of improvement, but otherwise its good.
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I think you're being too specific with the first sentence. If you say that it was the day they found out she had cancer, the readers already know what's going to happen.
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tat
this is chapter 2
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Well, I didn't exactly know what was going on in ch. 1.
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oop
wai-
i keep 4getting not everyone here has an account on Quotev
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