How to be more emotionally available?

  • Locked due to inactivity on Dec 28, '19 3:54am

Thread Topic: How to be more emotionally available?

  • avatar
    i_love_planes Advanced
    Me and my boyfriend were talking, and he told me (I can't pull up the conversation just yet, for I have no service on my phone djdjdjdj) that he feels like he's been pulling a lot of the emotional weight. As in, when I have a problem, he's there, but when he has a problem, I... try. He also feels like I tend to only be jokey and flirty- like I have been since before we got together.

    I told him I would work on myself, and I would check up with him to see if I'm going on the right track.

    The problem is that. I have low empathy, and all the advice I see online just feels disingenuous? I'll tell him I'm there, that I love him, that I understand what he's going through, but it all sounds fake when I say it. I want to be better for him, but I don't know how, and it sucks. It's a long distance relationship, if that contextualizes anything

    I hate that im asking my childhood forum but. it couldnt hurt to try djdjdj
  • manders247 Newbie
    This place is where I came as a teenager as well. Low empathy and issues being emotionally available can be a symptom of mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. I struggle with both and experience the same issues you're describing. Maybe you've been holding on to anger as well and don't even realize it? playing fighting games, going out into a field and screaming, punching a pillow, these are good outlets for aggression. Let me know how it goes.
  • avatar
    Stardust1 Advanced
    Sometimes you can use more than words to tell him that youre there for him. Just taking time out of your day to spend time with him, and letting him know that even if you don't know what to say, you'll listen. It sounds like he just wants to see the real side of you, so let him. When you bring up your problems to him, notice how he attends to you, and let him know you value his opinion. You can also just let him know youre there by doing things for him, instead of just using words. Little things add up. Notes in the morning of just "I'm thinking of you" and checking in throughout the day and all those little things. I don't know your inside jokes and little ways of being encouraging, but really I think he'll just be glad that youre trying. So idk just keep trying and go with whatever helps.

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