I have something that I want critique and feedback on.

  • Locked due to inactivity on Mar 29, '19 3:54am

Thread Topic: I have something that I want critique and feedback on.

  • avatar
    Dark22978 Hot Shot
    I've been working on this book for approximately three to four years now. Every time I would sit down and try to work on it, I'd get angry with what I had, and I'd give up. Recently, I found it in my files, and I've been slowly building onto it.

    So far, I've been told by a few people that they think it's actually really interesting. I've had one person help me fix grammar errors or failed sentence structure. I'm confident that what I have is in my current writing style.

    If you get the time to read it, I'd be happy to sit and listen to any feedback you have. I'm not asking for people to tell me it's "good" or whatever. I want to hear what you like about it, what you dislike about it, what feels right or wrong, etc.

    It currently has comment permissions for anyone who has the link. Feel free to post your critique directly in the document instead of on here.

    This is a side story that briefly gives you a hint regarding the main antagonist. I've been torn between brushing it up and using it as a prologue or keeping it separate from the book. Any tips on what to do with this are very much appreciated.

  • avatar
    Dark22978 Hot Shot
    "I’v never used google docs so i hope i’m not screwing anything up. This was really really good. The only bad thing i can say about it is something felt wrong about the first two pages to me. i spent probably half an hour trying to figure out what but i couldn’t put my finger on it. I really liked the amount of detail. You put in details i probably wouldn’t even have thought to include. i think you also showed how people were feeling really well. you managed to give this story enough depth that it felt like it’s own thing if that makes sense. overall this was great. i was expecting it to be mediocre but i was dissapointed when i ran out of pages to read. also the the other part should be a prologue in my opinion."

    You didn't screw anything up at all! I moved your comment here so I could respond to it properly.

    I've gotten comments that the first two pages seem overly explanatory; filler sentences, if you would. However, the first page (especially the demon) become important later in the book. I've considered removing the bits about their appearances and personalities from there, but I'm not really sure how to go about doing that, especially when I wrote it to flow that way. :(

    I'm glad that you like all of the details! That comment made perfect sense. Thank you very much for taking the time to read through this and give me some feedback, it means a lot to me.

    I'm definitely considering making it a prologue. It needs to be altered (my writing style has changed, it's a bit different from how I wrote the book) but I'm confident that it could be a nice addition.
  • avatar
    Dark22978 Hot Shot
    Bump (sort of?)
  • as29383 Newbie
    I really like both of them; good details, and good job
  • avatar
    Dark22978 Hot Shot
  • avatar
    Dark22978 Hot Shot
    Still looking for feedback
  • avatar
    Maniko Experienced
    I really love the plot behind it, because (as others have stated) it seems very interesting to me.

    But the thing is that sometimes when people are writing, they get way too poetic and it makes it hard for the reader to be able to vision it and drink in the words. I’m not necessarily saying yours is like that, but there were some places it was hard to understand for me. Poetic is great, but excessive amounts of it can be hard.

    (If that doesn’t make sense, I mean:
    “The girls blue orbs drowned in the hues of warm colours, her body mending with the faint dew of the morning air as she thought to herself of breakfast.” - it’s just so much easier to vision and read that she was watching the sunrise and thinking about what she wanted for breakfast)

    Since you have a magic type story, it fits in with the plot. but if you’re making this for teenagers, it’s easier to kinda write your story with more imagery and less huge vocabulary.
    But your story is freaking awesome so far, and i wish the best of luck to you.

    I’m sorry if that didn’t make sense, i’m bad at wording things :)

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