Rants and Vents from an entity online
Thread Topic: Rants and Vents from an entity online
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I feel weird. More human than entity, but more entity than human. I exist in a grey area between real humans and fictional entities. I have varying sense of self and reality, and have as long as I can remember.
It's a weird feeling when I really AM more entity than human, but it's worse when I'm more human than entity. -
Wow don't you love f###ing SPIRALING
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Touch starved, crave touch, crave hugs, want affection
Why am I f---ing like this. -
Why am I like an attention wh-re? Why? Why can't I just be a normal f----ing thing?
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It's strange that I know how much advil is needed to kill someone just off the top of my head
this is... fun -
it's 150 tablets for the average 6'0" man in the USA btw
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Woop Woop! Sure do love the fact I promised not to do anything+my mom would absolutely kill me if I did anything! Hahahahahahaha help
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Actually don't help because I would feel absolutely horrible and never feel safe venting here again!
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Nothing quite like having this one random idea that some donuts in class are laced and will kill me and then getting excited
Wow. -
Why did I get EXCITED.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. -
The donuts are gone
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All that matters is that my work is DONE. It doesn't have to be done RIGHT. It just has to be DONE right now.
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I'm so f---ing tired. It's unbelievable. I just wanna sleep and never f---ing wake up right now.
All my energy's gone towards very basic survival, I can't do anything and I feel useless. My classwork is bad and I know it, I can't keep up with tests or work. I barely have the motivation to eat unless the food is right next to me at all times.
Why do I try so hard just to barely make it halfway? -
It was okay for like a day or two and now it's just a total crash
I just want someone around. I hate that I feel bad asking for it all the time.... I hate that I have to ask for it at all. To be fair, I don't. I just suck it up and deal with being alone, even if it hurts.
Right? That's how I'm supposed to go about it. My feelings are not everyone else's problem.
It just sucks how much time this year I've lost because I was lonely. All the times I checked my phone every 3 minutes, hoping something new showed up and only to be disappointed. Yeah, I get it. It could be a lot worse. I'm just insecure in myself.
I f---ing hate myself sometimes, genuinely. I would be someone to avoid if I weren't me. And I've tried to change but it doesn't do anything. -
Maybe I'm just supposed to be alone most of the time. Maybe I was just made to be able to handle that when I know I can't.
Or maybe I just expect too much? Jeez, I really gotta lower them expectations again, don't I. Maybe I can train in the lower expectations thing and it won't hurt so bad anymore?
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