Break room. [Vent thread.]
- Locked due to inactivity on Apr 26, '23 3:54am
Thread Topic: Break room. [Vent thread.]
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They think I am falling apart sometimes, but there is no magnitude to the suffering I feel. The brokenness percieved is only the tip of the iceberg. I try to pretend I will end up okay, I try to use humor to cope, but I am never doing well. I purposely put everything I feel in the back of my mind, and there it will multiply, waiting for the moment I am alone with myself to strike.
As I have aged, it has gotten progressively worse. I have realized that urges and intrusive thoughts from when I was younger have returned to the forefront of my mind. However, the impulse to actually act on these thoughts is much stronger. I feel I have to restrain myself physically from severely hurting myself. I am trying to soothe myself, however, all that has worked has been repetitively moving my mouth to the point of getting lockjaw, and itching very specific parts of my body. It has to be on the left side near my collarbone, as well as my right shoulder. However, it is compulsive. I do not realize when I start doing these things.
This is all I have the energy to say as of right now, I am trying to keep this thread as a log for my negative thoughts. My perceptions of time is warped, and my memory is embarrassingly low. This is proof for my future self that these thoughts were, in fact, real.
This thread is locked, therefore no new posts can be made.
