Aleks and the incidentals.
Thread Topic: Aleks and the incidentals.
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So a lot of crap has happened to me this year, and I have to tell you all because I need an outlet, or else something bad will happen.
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So, I'm non-binary. A few months ago, I came out to my parents, unprecedentedly, sorta forced, and since then we have had The Conversation. Basically, they don't accept me. My two gay moms don't accept me.
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This was a very rude awakening.
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HOW, in the entire world, are my progressive, democratic, feminist, gay mothers not supporting of me?
The answer,
is that they never did support me.
Or they thought they did. But not the way any child should be "supported". -
Let me explain.
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One day, I'm sitting in my kitchen, cleaning, and my brother is teasing me in a sing-songy way about something. I tease him back and say he's not calling me by my name, but my deadname. He looks confused. "But (deadname), mommy said that we're family, we don't have to call you by your name." I look at him. "Explain." "Well, mommy said we're family and I don't have to call you that because you've been (deadname) your entire life and it's just a phase and to go along with it."
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Now I'm called back to the day I got a library card, and the mom who is generally more supportive let me use my new name, Aleks. And the librarian asked if I was Aleks, and I said yes, and my little brothers were confused. "No, you're (deadname)." To which I called up the conversation where I told them about trans and non-binary people wanting new names and how it's respectful to call them that. I told him I was one of those people. My mom told me that she'd take care of it. I suppose she did.
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So I'm talking to my brother like: "But that's not supporting me, it helps me when you call me my name. And technically, it is slightly homophobic (a strong aversion to or fear of lgbtq+ people). You have an aversion to calling me by name and accepting me as non-binary." He went outside and proceeded to tell on me to my parents while I was trying to process how my mom "handled" it. I felt very betrayed.
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My parents come in.
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There is Mom B, caring and gentle generally, and Mom A, aggressive, brutally honest, and hurtful sometimes. Mom A yells at me while Mom B looks betrayed. "You have no right to manipulate your brother this way! We accept you for who you are, even though you're not non-binary, and you never will be in my eyes until you get a d--- surgically implanted on your body. I have known you for eight years. You'll always be a girl. And how could you force that onto your brothers who have known you your entire life, think of how hard that must be for them, calling you by a new name to make you comfortable. Think of how uncomfortable that makes them. Just because you want to be called AL-EX. Don't manipulate them like that. Don't manipulate us like that!" Mom B steps in. "It hurts when you say we don't support you. I have been listening to you and trying to understand. I've even been calling you (condensed version of deadname) as a compromise. My cousin Chasie wanted us to call her Chase, but we still called her Chasie anyway, and she didn't mind. Her friends called her Chase." Mom A steps back in. "Yeah, you can have your friends call you Aleks, but you cannot force us to call you that. Don't EVER try to manipulate us again or you can be alone for the rest of your life, how would you like that. That's the path your going down."
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Sorry for talking so much to you and making you read all that. I may talk about what happened this morning later and allude to why I said they never supported me. Sorry again.
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Remember, you always have a place at my house Aleks.
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R we gonna sit in the small commons with Ally and Kelly like we did on Tuesday for lunch?
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