How Pakistani Are You?

We all know that Pakistan is the hottest thing around. And everyone wants to claim some Pakistan in their genes! But we need something to separate the wheat from the chaff ...

So the question is, how Pakistani are you? Put on some relaxing qawwali music, get a nice cup of chai, and take this quiz to find out! (you may wish to start it 45 minutes late, just to get into the right frame of mind)

1. What is your age?
Under 18 Years Old
18 to 24 Years Old
25 to 30 Years Old
31 to 40 Years Old
41 to 50 Years Old
51 to 60 Years Old
Over 60 Years Old
2. What is your gender?
Male
Female
3. You walk into a dark room. What do you do?
Switch on the light
Open the light
Hit the lights
Throw yourself on the floor and wail at your awful lightless fate
4. Your mother has an older friend called Julie, with kids called Jane and John. You call them...
Aunt Julie, Jane and John
Julie, Jane and John
Auntijee, Bhai and Baji
'the goray'
5. At school, you wore:
the school uniform/what everyone else wore
a close appoximation of the school uniform, purchased mostly from the cash&carry
a shalwar kameez
goth clothes
6. You score 97% in a maths test at school. Your parents say:
Well done!
Shabash, beta
What did everyone else get?
What happened to the other 3%?
7. How many of the following are you related to: a shopkeeper, a doctor, a dentist, an engineer, an accountant, a man with a beer belly even though he never drinks.
none
1-2
3-4
5-6
8. A close relative has had a baby boy! What do you take to their house as a gift?
A box of ladoo
A box of chocolates
Money
Nothing
9. Your teenage sister was seen at the local shopping sister kissing a boy. What do your parents do?
Wail and moan at the dishonour she has brought to the family, then ground her for life.
Talk to and advise her on relationships.
Send her to Pakistan.
Congratulate her on finally having found a boyfriend.
10. Your male cousin is washing dishes while his sisters watch TV. You think this is:
A travesty.
Commendable.
Normal.
Blackmail.
11. You see something you like in a shop, but it's too expensive. You:
Save up and buy it.
Order a similar but inferior copy from abroad.
Haggle for a bit as a joke.
Haggle with the shop owner until either the price is acceptable or you're thrown out by security.
12. How many of the following do you have in your extended family: a performer, an artist, a plumber, a joiner, someone who's always early for everything
0
1-2
3-4
5
13. Pakistan are playing England at cricket. You support:
Pakistan
England
Neither, cricket is boring
Neither, the conflict of interest would make my head implode
14. Now India are playing England. You support:
Whoever's winning
India
England
I told you already, cricket's BORING!
15. Did any of your instant messenger contacts have anything along the lines of 'RIP BOB WOOLMER' in their screen names?
Nope
Maybe one or two
More than two
Who's Bob Woolmer?
16. Pak sar zameen shad bad!
KISHWARAY HASEEN SHAD BAAAD!
You what now?
Uhhh... that's the national anthem, right?
Why, what wonderful spiritual poetry.
17. You are served a plate of spaghetti. What would be your ideal accompaniment?
A roti
Chilli sauce
Garlic bread
Red wine
18. You are visited by an elderly relative. When greeting them you expect them to:
Shake your hand
Slap your face
Hug you
Pat your head
19. Someone asks you if you are Indian. You are:
Confused
Offended
Flattered
Ready to slap them upside the head
20. Qayd e Azam was:
A man who wore a funny hat, hehehe
A politician
The founder of our great nation
...a Disney character?
21. You and your family are arriving home from a trip abroad. You are met by:
Immigration officials
One or two friends
No one
Your entire 400-strong extended family, complete with that aunty you only see once a year
22. Your favourite dessert is:
Chocolate cake
Ice cream
I don't like sweet things
Rasomalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai!
23. You are likely to have friends named:
Janet, Jemima and Jason
Aisha, Samina and Mohammed
Shaniqua, Monique and DJ Fizzle
Pinky, Dolly and Bubbly
24. Out of these 4, who do you think is the best looking?
Angelina Jolie
Aishwarya Rai
Halle Berry
Scarlett Johansson
25. It's been a long hot summer, and a friend comments on your tan. You might say:
Thanks!
I hope I don't get skin cancer
TANNED?! Oh my God, I'm HIDEOUS!!
Yeah well you ain't exactly looking pasty yourself, yaar
26. You are invited to a wedding for 6.30pm. You arrive at:
6.15pm
6.30pm
7.00pm
9.00pm (if we're being optimistic)
27. How many of the following might be found in your house: a ornamental tissue box cover, a collection of chappal, 50lb sacks of rice and flour, coconut oil, a lota, and a medical student.
0
1-2
3-4
5-6
28. The door has just slammed shut by itself! What might have caused it?
A gust of wind
A JINN
Poor door installation by a cowboy builder
Don't know, don't care
29. Your hypothetical friend admires and praises your hypothetical baby. You reply:
Why thank you, I made it myself
Meh, it's nothing special
Yes yes, I know. He's training to be a Dactar.
STOP PUTTING NAZR ON MY BABY
30. Last question before you can see your results! Which of these is the flag of Pakistan?
saffron, white and green bands with a blue chakra
green, with a red disc just off centre
green with a white band, and a white moon and star
green with a mango and cricket bat

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