Which Philosopher Are You?

Well, there have been many nifty philosophers over the last couple thousand years, most of them asking the same questions and getting different answers. So what are we really able to figure out in philosophy, anyway?

Good news is you don't need to know a lick of philosophy to get your answer! Just try and answer honestly and we'll match you to your closest historical philosopher buddy. It's just that simple.

1. What is your age?
Under 18 Years Old
18 to 24 Years Old
25 to 30 Years Old
31 to 40 Years Old
41 to 50 Years Old
51 to 60 Years Old
Over 60 Years Old
2. What is your gender?
Male
Female
3. Which question is more pertinent to you?
What is truth?
What does it all mean?
What's my purpose in life?
What can we really know?
Where are we headed?
What are you talking about?
4. You've figured something out. How do you get the word out?
My disciples will follow me around and listen to what I have to say.
I'll write a very carefully phrased book, so as to not upset anyone.
Go to the center of town and strike up a conversation.
Whatever means it takes, I'm versatile.
Go and teach it in a university, of course.
What do you mean by 'word'?
5. But your philosophy gets you in trouble anyway. What do you do about it fancy-pants?
I humble myself and apologize.
I don't care, academia will protect me.
Probably looking forward to banishment.
Tell them they're pigs, but keep an open mind.
F--- all y'all, I know I'm right.
See, does fancy-pants tell us anything, I mean really?
6. Gotta wear something to the party tonight. What's it going to be?
Same thing as always, and I'll drink 'em under the table while I'm there.
Not so much with the parties...
Fancy toga.
Parties are bourgeois.
I rather spend a night in my stove.
Parties are a waste of time. All meaningless chit-chat.
7. Got any really zany ideas you'd like to share?
None that aren't accepted in textbooks.
Life is meaningless without a personal goal.
We're pretty close to perfection.
We may be living in a dream, or controlled by demons.
You can't actually know anything useful. So there.
'Zany'? Define 'zany'.
8. But let us in a little. Who are you, really?
Just ordinary citizen doing their part.
Friggin' brilliant. Why I found schools and tutor world leaders.
Pretty darned smart, pretty darned crazy.
Not special, but I do have the unique position of knowing everything that has, is or will happen.
Classic chain-smoking author type.
Sometimes I get excited by fireplace implements...
9. Do you sometimes think philosophy is a joke?
Unlike life?
Never.
There are no jokes, only beautiful reason.
The joke is on you.
So a God, a demon, and the clergy read my book...
You could write the history of philosophy as a book of jokes.
10. Howabout ethics?
God is the source of ethical behavior.
One should live one's life ethically within legal parameters.
I'll let my life partner get back to you on that.
Don't matter.
You are what you make of yourself.
Ethics are secondary, language primary. I tried to tell that to the officer, but he wouldn't listen.
11. Got any ideas on the soul?
Heck no, only I exist, and I am only what I am becoming.
It's complicated.
Of course it exists.
What do you think?
Maybe. Don't really care.
Can't talk about it.
12. So, what is the meaning of life?
Make up your own meaning.
To achieve your potential.
To either bcome part of the synthesis or remain an antithesis, of course.
Wouldn't you like to know? I would...
To exist, I think...
Figure out what I'm talking about.

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