1. What is your age? Under 18 Years Old 18 to 24 Years Old 25 to 30 Years Old 31 to 40 Years Old 41 to 50 Years Old 51 to 60 Years Old Over 60 Years Old 2. What is your gender? Male Female 3. Which combination of weapons would ye like to have when bording yer target's ship? beard on fire, six pistols on yer chest, and a cutlass every pocket with a short dagger because we be fightin' close quarters two pistols half cocked and draped around me neck, a cutlass in each hand A baldric with two cutlasses and a dagger in each hand A blood-stained belayin' pin and a cat with spiked teeth A nasty smile and knuckles of steel 4. Pick your clothing, Cap'n Blood Red coat with lots of shiny gold Blood-stained Brown coat with silver pieces of 8 as buttons Long black coat and matching outfit, I want to be in the shadow Pieced-together leather and skin from victims and plunder Bare chested to show the scars of war and a loincloth of shark slopps and a white shirt in case I need a flag 5. After months of no leave and no ships, you finally have six bleedin' survivors of your prize on their knees in front of you, what's yer orders cap'n? "boil some oil, meat's back on the menu boys." "cover these bastards in blood and get the rope, we're trollin' for fresh shark meat." "Get that plank out, it's time for these lubbers to sleep with the fishes." "Into the brig with these bastards, I'll decide later what to do wit' 'em." "over the side, let's see 'em swim ashore." "Someone get the longboat, water and food and set them adrift." 6. Three Royal Drednaughts are headin' t'wards ya' with cannons at the ready, whattaya' do, mate? "Charge the cannons, man the small guns, ONCE MORE INTO THE BREECH." "Every bastard on this ship get below decks and strike the wheel, when they board us, make with the cutlasses." "It's been good knowin' ya mates, now drop the lanterns and spread some coals, we now be a fireship." "Fire a few across their bow and let's run like hell, mates." "Strike our colours and call out to them. . .whatta they want?" "Run up the white flag and elect a new cap'n before they get here." 7. Apparently, ye suck as a cap'n and every man is behind the first mate's mutiny. What Say ye? "Bring it on, ye scurvvy dogs, 6 of ye won't be alive afterwards, says I." "Grab the dice mates, let the fates decide if I should be yer cap'n." "A new Captain is it? Fine then, 'tis the crew's right." "Make another step and I'll kill myself." "See you bastards, you made me cry." "Who do I have to service to be a cabin boy?" 8. Thar be two ships battlin' off the port bow, one of 'em's a legal prize according to yer letter of Marque. The other is a force of yer own royals. Enter the fray? "Charge the cannons, man the small guns, ONCE MORE INTO THE BREECH. I say we kill them ALL and let the gods sort 'em out." "First Mate, which ship has the more treasure y'thinks? . .that'd be our target." "Privateer or nay, we be patriots to our own flag. Man the cannons." "Where's the rum? We've a night's entertainment begun off of port." "Turn about and flee, I don't think they saw us. Where's my nerve tonic?" "I just shyte myself. Scuttle our boat and bring the white flag to me." 9. Six of yer dozen crewmembers refuse to work. What's yer next move cap'n? BANG! All six killed with one shot, "We can run the ship with half-crew." "Moses Law with all of ye bastards, strip off those shirts and gimme' the bos'n's cat." "Tie the brushes to their hands and soap in their mouths, the deck need's scrubbin'." "You'll take turns in the brig, 3 at a time for a day till ye come to yer reckonin'" "Alright mates, hand over yer union cards, you're off this boat at the next port." "I'm with you guys, all this work is bulls---, scoot over and pass the smoke." 10. You've had yer run of pyratin' and it's time to retire. How do you spend the rest of yer miserable life? "I'm not retirin' till a musket shell or a piece of hemp is the last I see. . .to the next target, boyo's" "Who wants to be cap'n? step up with yer blade, it's a fight to the death." "Joe Ghost is creepin' up on me mates, I'm taking on a smaller crew in a new country. I hope to see ye in battle, mates." "Son, you'll be the next dread pyrate Roberts, just as I am before you and my dad was before me. Good luck, I'll be in Haiti." "I'm already packed, ciao. . . oh and thanx for all the fish." "East India Trading Co. is giving me safe travel, but you're all in a LOT of trouble." 11. Oh look, a bunch of wenches marooned on an isle and we're the only ship in miles. It's your move, mate. "We've got a few days fun. Take one for pleasure. Then it's target practice. Then we have meat to fish with." "Bring out the rum, it's time to have our way and see if they survive." "Kill 'em all, wenches were created to make pyrates week." "Bring 'em aboard mate, ye each get a new wife for the cruise." "We need to get these women to port, there could be a reward." "I looove those boots. You fellows go on, we girls have lots to chat about." 12. Welcome to Hell mate, pick your room. Tank of ever-biting sharks that look like Rosie O'Donnell Reincarnation as Johnny Depps' eyeliner Bar full of women and beer. . . but all the beer cans leak and the women have no openings to enjoy. Eternal "Best of Urkle" Reruns. burning jail cell and cold rum just out of reach. Everyone's nice, there's no one to fight, plunder, loot or kill.