The Can You Say "The Croft?" Quiz

It's a phrase only a few can use, and now that you've heard about it I bet you want to be among us. In fact, I'm sure you are. So, go ahead, click the right answers. Prove yourself in the cold, cold, eyes of your uncaring computer screen. Remember, your future depends on this. Don't screw it up.

So please, turn over your test papers; print your name and the date, clearly, in the top right-hand corner of the page. Keep your eyes to yourself. Begin!

What is your age?
Under 18 Years Old
18 to 24 Years Old
25 to 30 Years Old
31 to 40 Years Old
41 to 50 Years Old
51 to 60 Years Old
Over 60 Years Old
What is your gender?
Male
Female
1. Easy first. How many giant clocks are here?
None
One
Two
Three
More
2. Harder: How do you determine the time (sans watch) here?
Clearly, you look at the clocks
Take a random guess
Average all three times, then decide to go with the digital
Average all three times, then decide to go with an analog face
Pick one
3. Where can you find the most inspirational message here?
Nowhere
Nowhere, go see the chalkboard
On the St. Leo's sign
On the elementary school sign
4. Where is the ghetto here?
Are you kidding? The whole town's the ghetto
Heading out of town, everything past the overpass
Are you kidding? There's no ghetto
Heading into town, everythin past the overpass
5. What can you find at Villagio's?
Pizza
Ice Cream
Clothing
Pharmaceutical drugs
6. What else can you find at Villagio's?
People who think they're at Attilio's
A giant tree
People who like thier pizza round
All of the above
None of the above
7. What is the name of the fish?
No one knows
Rocky Horror
Lonely Sherman
What fish?
8. How many dentists are there here?
One? Maybe?
I think there are two...
At least three
More than three
They just keep cropping up; way too many to count
9. Where can you get a semi-accurate blood pressure reading here?
ACME
Dr. Cuozzo's
Dr. Friedman's
Dr. Temisoot's
10. What can you find behind ACME, abbreviated style?
The three Ds, one P, and one C
The three Cs, one D, and one P
The three Ds, one P, and one E
Abbreviated is a style?
The D.A.R.E and R.E.B.E.L, obviously.
11. What's the most local radio station?
The Rat
The Night
Jack FM
Z100
Q104.3
12. What is the most pressing and ever-present danger here?
Sexual Predators
Axe Murderers
Coyotes
Boredom
Small children
13. If you have a dog that looks like a coyote, you should:
Run
Shoot it
Hide it
Tie a pretty bandana around its neck
14. How many schools are there in a ten-minute-drive radius?
Zero
One
Two
Three
More
15. During the summer, the coolest thing to do is:
Sleep
Go see a free concert deal
Gloat at the "I'm-not-in-school-ness" of it all
Cool? What's cool about 100 degrees F?
Nothing. Nothing cool ever happens.
16. How many fields are there at The Fields?
Two. Fields is plural.
More than five
None. The Fields is a restaurant.
None. The Fields is a recycling center.
17. And, lastly, the most important question of all. What does 'The Croft' even mean?
It's a delicious processed food
It's where all the cool kids hang out. Want to be one?
It's a small farm, especially one worked by a tenant
It's a small, portable filing cabinet

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