How stereotypically misanthropic are you?

You probably already know how you feel about other people--whether they're loved ones or strangers--or if a phrase like "loved ones" even scans for you--but how do you rank up against others? Do you admire Scooge and Oscar the Grouch? Do you believe that all people are essentially good and that only the stresses of modern living have corrupted them?

This quiz is a highly unscientific smattering of opinions to quantify your "works and plays well with others" factor, no matter who you be, from hippie to hater. Enjoy

Created by: Gordon Geise

1. What is your age?
Under 18 Years Old
18 to 24 Years Old
25 to 30 Years Old
31 to 40 Years Old
41 to 50 Years Old
51 to 60 Years Old
Over 60 Years Old
2. What is your gender?
Male
Female
3. Do you live alone?
Yes - my domicile is entirely my own.
I have my own private room or rooms (e.g., boarding house) but certain parts of my domicile are shared.
I live in a shared space (e.g., house or multibedroom apartment).
I live in a communal environment (e.g., kibbutz).
4. How many family members do you communicate with at least monthly?
0
1
2
3
4
5 or more
5. How many individual unrelated persons do you consider your friends and communicate with at least monthly?
0
1
2 to 5
6 to 10
11 to 20
more than 20
6. Do you agree with Ebenezer Scrooge that poor folk who would rather die than go to a work farm "had better do it and decrease the surplus population?"
Enthusiastically
Sometimes, but I feel guilty about it
No, that's horrid
7. Do you ever say hello to strangers?
No just no, F--- no.
Not really.
Occasionally; if they say hello to me first.
At the slightest provocation, like a smile.
I shower everybody with conspicuous verbal and non-verbal saccharine.
8. Have you ever fantasized about killing someone?
There's room for little else in my thoughts.
Oh yeah. I enjoy that. Mmmm.
Well... um. Uh, yeah, sometimes. Not you, though!
No. Killing people is bad. Unless they're Iraqi.
Heavens no! Why, I'm closing this browser right now! The things these young people say!
9. Have you ever had a dream in which you had murdered someone?
More than once. I was intrigued.
Once, and I dug it.
Yes, and I found it troubling.
Nope.
10. Do you believe the earth would be better off after global warming, nuclear annihilation, or comet strike causes the next mass extinction?
Yeah, baby, yeah. Bring it on.
I'm ambivalent. Can't the comet just wipe out the government?
Only if I can hang aroud and enjoy the solitude.
No, I reluctantly believe my species should continue.
You're sick!
11. Which statement rings truest to you?
Life's a piece of s--- when you look at it.
Life is nasty, brutish, and short.
I vant to be alone.
When life gives you lemons, give somebody a paper cut and squeeze.
I am nasty, brutish, and short.
Come on, people, smile on your brother, everybody get together, try to love one another right now!
12. Do you go to restaurants, bars, movies, etc. by yourself?
Regularly.
I have no problem doing so, but I don't shy away from company.
Infrequently.
Never
13. Have you ever chased anyone off your property?
No. My place is perfectly well booby-trapped. It doesn't need me to, uh, get rid of trespassers.
I scream at those damn punk rock kids all the damn time but they don't listen.
I have, one or more times, but it was somebody who was clearly up to no good.
No, but I've sat behind my window and wished them ill.
No fair, it's N/A. Nobody's ever trespassed on my property. Or I have no property.
No, I wouldn't do something like that. I'm a Nice Person.
14. Of the following, which movie character do you identify with most?
Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins) in "The Silence of the Lambs"
Malificent in "Sleeping Beauty"
Captain (Strother Martin) in "Cool Hand Luke"
Captain von Trapp (Christopher Plummer) PRE-Maria in "The Sound of Music"
Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) in "The Godfather Part 2"
Anybody in a "Saw" movie
15. What's your take on coitus?
I'm a virgin. Just the thought of sex with another person makes me gag.
I have urges but I usually fight them off.
Sex is the one time when I forget how much I hate people.
I like it a lot. It brings me closer to people.
I live on a sex farm with Spinal Tap.
16. What's your take on Charles Manson?
Good man, good ideas. Let's pardon him and put him in charge of something important.
He's been seriously misunderstood.
He went just a little crazy back then on Spahn Ranch, but he's fine now.
He's the devil. Which makes him ok by me.
He a big sicko.
17. Which director best captures your world view?
Ingmar Bergman
Francois Fruffaut
Darren Aronofsky
Sidney Lumet
John Waters
Ron Howard
18. People basically are:
A nasty virus for which Mother Earth is working out the antidote
Lying sons (and daughters) o'b----es
Dumb, panicky animals
Things that get in my way
Conspicuous consumers and makers of No. 2
All one big happy family
19. Children...
taste just like chicken.
are nothing but snot and s--- machines
are the products of rotten parents
should be neither seen nor heard. Nor born.
must regrettably be tolerated because if you f--- with them you just have to fight the parents.
are little balls of golden sunshine, especially when they laugh really loud.
20. What is the One Great Truth?
People suck.
42.

1. What is your age?

Under 18 Years Old

18 to 24 Years Old

25 to 30 Years Old

31 to 40 Years Old

41 to 50 Years Old

51 to 60 Years Old

Over 60 Years Old

2. What is your gender?

Male

Female

3. Do you live alone?

Yes - my domicile is entirely my own.

I have my own private room or rooms (e.g., boarding house) but certain parts of my domicile are shared.

I live in a shared space (e.g., house or multibedroom apartment).

I live in a communal environment (e.g., kibbutz).

4. How many family members do you communicate with at least monthly?

5 or more

5. How many individual unrelated persons do you consider your friends and communicate with at least monthly?

2 to 5

6 to 10

11 to 20

more than 20

6. Do you agree with Ebenezer Scrooge that poor folk who would rather die than go to a work farm "had better do it and decrease the surplus population?"

Enthusiastically

Sometimes, but I feel guilty about it

No, that's horrid

7. Do you ever say hello to strangers?

No just no, F--- no.

Not really.

Occasionally; if they say hello to me first.

At the slightest provocation, like a smile.

I shower everybody with conspicuous verbal and non-verbal saccharine.

8. Have you ever fantasized about killing someone?

There's room for little else in my thoughts.

Oh yeah. I enjoy that. Mmmm.

Well... um. Uh, yeah, sometimes. Not you, though!

No. Killing people is bad. Unless they're Iraqi.

Heavens no! Why, I'm closing this browser right now! The things these young people say!

9. Have you ever had a dream in which you had murdered someone?

More than once. I was intrigued.

Once, and I dug it.

Yes, and I found it troubling.

Nope.

10. Do you believe the earth would be better off after global warming, nuclear annihilation, or comet strike causes the next mass extinction?

Yeah, baby, yeah. Bring it on.

I'm ambivalent. Can't the comet just wipe out the government?

Only if I can hang aroud and enjoy the solitude.

No, I reluctantly believe my species should continue.

You're sick!

11. Which statement rings truest to you?

Life's a piece of s--- when you look at it.

Life is nasty, brutish, and short.

I vant to be alone.

When life gives you lemons, give somebody a paper cut and squeeze.

I am nasty, brutish, and short.

Come on, people, smile on your brother, everybody get together, try to love one another right now!

12. Do you go to restaurants, bars, movies, etc. by yourself?

Regularly.

I have no problem doing so, but I don't shy away from company.

Infrequently.

Never

13. Have you ever chased anyone off your property?

No. My place is perfectly well booby-trapped. It doesn't need me to, uh, get rid of trespassers.

I scream at those damn punk rock kids all the damn time but they don't listen.

I have, one or more times, but it was somebody who was clearly up to no good.

No, but I've sat behind my window and wished them ill.

No fair, it's N/A. Nobody's ever trespassed on my property. Or I have no property.

No, I wouldn't do something like that. I'm a Nice Person.

14. Of the following, which movie character do you identify with most?

Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins) in "The Silence of the Lambs"

Malificent in "Sleeping Beauty"

Captain (Strother Martin) in "Cool Hand Luke"

Captain von Trapp (Christopher Plummer) PRE-Maria in "The Sound of Music"

Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) in "The Godfather Part 2"

Anybody in a "Saw" movie

15. What's your take on coitus?

I'm a virgin. Just the thought of sex with another person makes me gag.

I have urges but I usually fight them off.

Sex is the one time when I forget how much I hate people.

I like it a lot. It brings me closer to people.

I live on a sex farm with Spinal Tap.

16. What's your take on Charles Manson?

Good man, good ideas. Let's pardon him and put him in charge of something important.

He's been seriously misunderstood.

He went just a little crazy back then on Spahn Ranch, but he's fine now.

He's the devil. Which makes him ok by me.

He a big sicko.

17. Which director best captures your world view?

Ingmar Bergman

Francois Fruffaut

Darren Aronofsky

Sidney Lumet

John Waters

Ron Howard

18. People basically are:

A nasty virus for which Mother Earth is working out the antidote

Lying sons (and daughters) o'b----es

Dumb, panicky animals

Things that get in my way

Conspicuous consumers and makers of No. 2

All one big happy family

19. Children...

taste just like chicken.

are nothing but snot and s--- machines

are the products of rotten parents

should be neither seen nor heard. Nor born.

must regrettably be tolerated because if you f--- with them you just have to fight the parents.

are little balls of golden sunshine, especially when they laugh really loud.

20. What is the One Great Truth?

People suck.

42.

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