Are you the ultimate mercenary?

Martin Keamy is out there. Somewhere. I want to find him. Take this quiz and maybe, just maybe, you are the one and only Martin Keamy. If you are, there might be an amazing prize in it for you.

The prize, of course, being a mercenary mission. Let's just say I have a few countries I'd like....reformatted. You know the drill Marty. All of you other HACKS, go play chess or something.

Created by: Keamy's Paradise of Keamysparadise
(your link here more info)

1. What is your age?
Under 18 Years Old
18 to 24 Years Old
25 to 30 Years Old
31 to 40 Years Old
41 to 50 Years Old
51 to 60 Years Old
Over 60 Years Old
2. What is your gender?
Male
Female
3. Is your name Martin Keamy?
Yes
No
I have television grade amnesia
4. Would you say that you enjoy the act of murder?
Yes! It's a great stress reliever!
No, I am a honorable man.
I don't enjoy it but if the price is right I'll kill.
I just don't know anymore. It used to be my one true love but now I feel as though it's turned on me.
5. Were you ever hired to find a hidden island by boat, only to later blow it up via your own death?
Yes. The one that got away.
No. I don't recall that incident.
6. Could you best a trained Iraqi torturer in a one on one fight?
Yes, unless some ageless mascara wearing dude shoots me in the back.
No. I enjoy the television show "Friends."
7. What do you do to relieve hours of boredom while at sea?
I like to visit the buffet and pig out on shrimp scampi!
Playing croquette with my buddies sounds like a good time.
Scoping out all the pretty ladies in their teeny weeny bikinis. Hubba hubba. Now that's what I call a cruisin'
Standing by the water and shooting targets. Also, insulting pretend janitors.
8. What would you do if you had a knife to a teenaged girl's throat and her father informed you that she meant nothing to him and her murder would not entice him to give himself up?
Sit on the ground and sob. It's been such a long and hard day!
Take her into your party van to smoke weed and play Grand Theft Auto.
Kill her mercilessly.
Root in your pocket for a candy and offer it to her as consolation.
9. Do you ever get sad?
No way! I aint no wussy.
Yes, sadness is an integral part of my mercenary wisdom and I use it to gather up strength before an important battle.
10. Where do you picture yourself dying?
On the highway riding my precious hog.
Asleep in bed next to my wonderful wife, Nancy.
Laying down in an underground bunker devoted to time travel experiments.
In the back room of a bar after a brutal bar brawl.
11. Do you like puppies?
Puppies are of no importance to me in my mercenary training therefore are nothing but external stimuli to be ignored. Still, some are cute.
I prefer cats.
I don't have time for pets with my busy job as a receptionist at the big law firm.
12. Do you like puppies?
Puppies are of no importance to me in my mercenary training therefore are nothing but external stimuli to be ignored. Still, some are cute.
I prefer cats.
I don't have time for pets with my busy job as a receptionist at the big law firm.
13. Describe a recurring dream you have.
I can't believe it! Naked in middle school AGAIN! How embarressing.
I am standing in the ruins of a Ugandan village. I am covered in blood and screaming. Villagers run up to me for help but I only shoo them away. I am filled with an undying rage.
I am with my high school sweetheart Nancy only it's not really her it's really my Uncle Louie and we are trying to get pizza but the pizza keeps running away from us.
I am starring in a sequel to "Star Wars" set in a vast underwater lair and inexplicably costarring Whoopi Goldberg.

1. What is your age?

Under 18 Years Old

18 to 24 Years Old

25 to 30 Years Old

31 to 40 Years Old

41 to 50 Years Old

51 to 60 Years Old

Over 60 Years Old

2. What is your gender?

Male

Female

3. Is your name Martin Keamy?

Yes

I have television grade amnesia

4. Would you say that you enjoy the act of murder?

Yes! It's a great stress reliever!

No, I am a honorable man.

I don't enjoy it but if the price is right I'll kill.

I just don't know anymore. It used to be my one true love but now I feel as though it's turned on me.

5. Were you ever hired to find a hidden island by boat, only to later blow it up via your own death?

Yes. The one that got away.

No. I don't recall that incident.

6. Could you best a trained Iraqi torturer in a one on one fight?

Yes, unless some ageless mascara wearing dude shoots me in the back.

No. I enjoy the television show "Friends."

7. What do you do to relieve hours of boredom while at sea?

I like to visit the buffet and pig out on shrimp scampi!

Playing croquette with my buddies sounds like a good time.

Scoping out all the pretty ladies in their teeny weeny bikinis. Hubba hubba. Now that's what I call a cruisin'

Standing by the water and shooting targets. Also, insulting pretend janitors.

8. What would you do if you had a knife to a teenaged girl's throat and her father informed you that she meant nothing to him and her murder would not entice him to give himself up?

Sit on the ground and sob. It's been such a long and hard day!

Take her into your party van to smoke weed and play Grand Theft Auto.

Kill her mercilessly.

Root in your pocket for a candy and offer it to her as consolation.

9. Do you ever get sad?

No way! I aint no wussy.

Yes, sadness is an integral part of my mercenary wisdom and I use it to gather up strength before an important battle.

10. Where do you picture yourself dying?

On the highway riding my precious hog.

Asleep in bed next to my wonderful wife, Nancy.

Laying down in an underground bunker devoted to time travel experiments.

In the back room of a bar after a brutal bar brawl.

11. Do you like puppies?

Puppies are of no importance to me in my mercenary training therefore are nothing but external stimuli to be ignored. Still, some are cute.

I prefer cats.

I don't have time for pets with my busy job as a receptionist at the big law firm.

12. Do you like puppies?

Puppies are of no importance to me in my mercenary training therefore are nothing but external stimuli to be ignored. Still, some are cute.

I prefer cats.

I don't have time for pets with my busy job as a receptionist at the big law firm.

13. Describe a recurring dream you have.

I can't believe it! Naked in middle school AGAIN! How embarressing.

I am standing in the ruins of a Ugandan village. I am covered in blood and screaming. Villagers run up to me for help but I only shoo them away. I am filled with an undying rage.

I am with my high school sweetheart Nancy only it's not really her it's really my Uncle Louie and we are trying to get pizza but the pizza keeps running away from us.

I am starring in a sequel to "Star Wars" set in a vast underwater lair and inexplicably costarring Whoopi Goldberg.

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Are you the ultimate mercenary?

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