How Polish are You?

How Polish are you? This is the question, the answer to which I will shortly attempt to determine. Remember that Poles like me can't afford a decent introduction.

Don't sue me, PNCU. Hey, Jeff! I've got your MCAT cheat sheet, you know, the one that's not the one up your sleeve which you've been using this whole time. It says... BAWLZ!

Created by: E Lunatic
1. What is your age?
Under 18 Years Old
18 to 24 Years Old
25 to 30 Years Old
31 to 40 Years Old
41 to 50 Years Old
51 to 60 Years Old
Over 60 Years Old
2. What is your gender?
Male
Female
3. Are you attractive, muscular, and intelligent?
Yes
No
4. ...so much so that it's abnormal?
Yes
No
5. Two friends are arguing on a matter of opinion and both are coming from two very different places. You call this:
Bickering
A disagreement
A left-side versus right-side of the brain thing
A left-side-brain-side thing
I don't trust your judgement of what's a matter of opinion
Other
6. Is it a good idea to put a pig's blood in it's intestine to create a sausage intended for human consumption?
Yes
No
7. Let's say you're having a meal at a restaurant. What's the chance that your service will be entirely unobjectionable, and that your food will arrive properly heated and just how you ordered it?
Above 90%
75-90%
50-75%
25-50%
Less than 25%
0%
8. Do you love your Babci?
Yes
No
What?
9. Can you pronounce 'Starczyk', 'kotlety schabowe', and 'szlachcic'?
Yes
Not all of them
No, not at all
10. Can you pronounce 'chwaɫy rzeczypospolitej'?
Yes
No
11. When you say, "Go from the pier to the market," it sounds like:
Go from thee peer to thee mar-ket
Go, from the PEer, tothemarkit
Go fruhm dah pee-er to the markut
Go....... frOHM tah per, to dah mart-kit
Nothing like any of those
12. Let's say you're one year of college away from earning your doctorate. Might you consider quitting, never to get any more education, to work with your hands instead?
Yes
I doubt it
Hell no
13. Do you know any songs about cabbages and/or a thief called Jashu?
Yes, several
Yes
No
14. Is your voice either abnormally low or abnormally squeaky?
Yes
No
It's both low and squeaky
15. Does your laugh startle French-Canadians?
Yes
No
I don't know any French-Canadians
16. Do/have you work(ed) in an occupation requiring you to swing a large hammer or pick?
Yes
Yes, in a factory
Yes, in a Midwest steel factory
Yes, in a coal mine
No, but a close relative of mine has
No
17. Who's actually from Poland?
Lighteningrod Radziwilł
Zygmunt Waza
Stefan Batory
Lugosi Béla
Lon Chaney Jr.
Bolesław the Bold
18. The name 'Muscovite' derives from...
The Kingdom of Muscovy
A terrible-smelling musk
19. Do you fancy that you or your family will triumphantly return to Poland sometime now that it's no longer annexed by anyone?
Yes
No
No, but my descendents did
No, because I already have
No, because I'm not Polish
We never left in the first place
20. Is there pigeon in the gołąbki?
Yes
No
Sometimes
21. Did you personally know anyone who got killed charging a tank on horseback?
Yes
Yes, and he was using a farm tool as a weapon
No, but I know someone who did
No
I don't even know when that ever happened
22. This quiz was:
Offending
Confusing
Apparently innaccurate
Hilarious
All of the above

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