How German are you?

It has come to my attention that there are quite a few impostors running around calling themselves "German" when they are really nothing of the sort. Even among people from Germany, some are more distinctly German than others. Note: This test is chock full of offensive stereotypes. If you are easily offended, please steer clear.

How German are you? Are you a wannabe German? An honorary German? A true German? Too German for your own good? Grab a beer, crank up the techno music, and take the quiz to find out!

1. What is your age?
Under 18 Years Old
18 to 24 Years Old
25 to 30 Years Old
31 to 40 Years Old
41 to 50 Years Old
51 to 60 Years Old
Over 60 Years Old
2. What is your gender?
Male
Female
3. Air conditioners are:
Essential
Dangerous
A luxury
Bad for the environment
4. Would you like a "Gift"?
No - get that away from me!
What is it?
Yes, I may need it to commit suicide.
How thoughtful of you!
5. You are proud of your country:
When we win football games.
Always.
Never - my country sucks.
When we do something right.
6. You iron:
eh?
Button-down shirts.
Button-down shirts, T-shirts, jeans.
All of the above, plus sheets and dishtowels.
7. When you think of New Year's Eve, you think of:
Times Square
Booze.
"Same procedure as every year, James."
Fireworks.
8. Which is the worst name?
Chloe Wischmann
Theodore Thistlethwaite the Third
Richard Lessman
Biggus Dickus
9. A parent implies that his child will be eaten by ravens. This is:
Traditional.
Funny.
Cruel.
Strange.
10. Routine circumcision of infants is:
Normal.
Cruel.
Bizarre.
Religious.
11. "Don't mention the war."
What war?
That's not funny.
Haha! Great episode of Fawlty Towers.
You people have no sense of humor!
12. Men's underwear should be:
Tight and white.
Boxer briefs.
Like shorts.
Tight & various colors.
13. Which of the following would you rather eat?
Liverwurst.
Tuna pizza.
Peanut butter.
My, or somebody else's, penis.
14. A product called "Dusch Das" is probably:
A feminine hygiene product.
A shower gel.
A hermaphrodite hygiene product.
German.
15. You drive:
As close as possible to the car in front, so no one overtakes you.
5-10 above the speed limit.
About 160, a good travelling speed.
2 seconds behind the car ahead.
16. You walk around naked in front of:
Nobody.
Your lover.
Your immediate family.
Everyone.
17. What were your grandparents doing during the war?
What war?
Serving their country, of course.
I don't, um, really know....
None of your business!
18. You eat your pizza or fries:
With a fork and a knife, like any civilized person.
With a fork and a knife, unless I'm in the US.
With my hands, unless I'm in Europe.
With my hands, like any civilized person.
19. People should ride bikes:
When they are under age 16.
Only on bike trails. Get out of my way!
On the side of the road.
In the bike lane, of course.
20. Your neighbors have complained about you. This is probably because:
You and your white-shirt-wearing friends scare them.
You've neglected to mop the stairwell.
You play Rammstein loudly at night.
You park your jeep on the lawn.

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