so you wanna die, huh?
- Locked due to inactivity on May 23, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: so you wanna die, huh?
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I noticed an increase in mentions of suicide on this forum lately so I wanted to talk about it a little.
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When I was fourteen I attempted suicide for the first time.
When I was sixteen I told myself that I would just wait until I moved out so I could move out and do it out of my parents house as a favor to them
When I was nineteen I found myself unable to keep from cutting my wrists in park bathrooms and attempted suicide four times.
It took more than twelve attempts and a near hospitalization but I finally reached out for help and now I'm 20, turning 21 in a month, and I am so grateful I didn't kill myself.
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I thought I was too damaged to be loved and I was entirely useless so there was no point in living. I thought I was a burden to everyone around me. Now I'm planning my wedding and I'm a manager in my dream job. I've gotten to see my friends go to college and fall in love and if I had died at eighteen like I planned I never would've met my soulmate or my kittens or seen my brothers graduate highschool.
I get to inspire people and I'd like to think that through all my pain it's worth it if only I can use my experiences to help others who are feeling the way I did for close to a decade. Half my life. That's a long time to live in darkness. I feel like a lot of you are in the same boat and I am so sorry for you.
Maybe you don't believe you deserve to be alive but don't you love watching the world around you grow? The earth created you and you get to experience life for such a short amount of time so why make it any shorter than it'll already be. You're gonna blink your life away I promise and it's going to be filled with so many experiences you never thought you could imagine.
You were creates so that YOU could enjoy your own life. You were not created for your parents benefit. You do not owe society anything. If you want to you can travel the world never. Never work a job. Never deal with anyone's expectations. Your life is YOURS. f--- college. f--- religion. f--- everything if it means you get to experience existence in the way that you want to. Never let anyone else's expectations make you feel like you're invaluable.
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I don't believe in telling you that you have all these reasons to live because I know it doesn't matter if you don't truly believe it for yourself.
I don't believe in telling you not to cut yourself because I know that cutting saves lives sometimes. f--- anyone who tries to shame you for cutting because it's absolutely bulls---. Your pain is valid and you deserve to feel it the way you need to. I'd rather see you with scars than in a coffin.
I don't believe in telling you that your parents will be sad. From where you're standing, you might not hardly believe that anyone cares.
You're not selfish for wanting to die
You don't deserve to feel shamed for wanting to do the only thing that makes sense in your brain.
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Assume that maybe you're right for a second though. Maybe they wouldn't be sad. Maybe no one would care if you died.
You know what I think? I think that's one hell of a good reason to keep living. Spite every single person who said you couldn't do it or that you were destined for nothingness by being a badass. Become so successful and happy in your own life that it's a total middle finger to everyone who ever hurt you.
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I'm going to share some witness testimonials from others who've attempted suicide for you to read if you need further encouragement.
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Anyways, if you're still reading this I just wanna say you're a total baddie. You're a champ if your lungs are still breathing. If you brushed your teeth today or got out of bed I'm proud of you. Celebrate your small steps. You made a phone call? That's badass. You did your laundry? You deserve a metal.
I'm serious. I'm proud of you for reading this because I know how incredibly hard it is to stay alive and I don't care how cheesy that is. The pain is always worth it I promise. -
Please please talk to me too! I can't change a single thing about any of your lives but it sucks to see you all so sad. I'm here and this is and will always be a safe place to talk about anything.
If you have an story you would like to share this is a safe place to do that. Even if it's an alt. I'll read it and talk to you about anything. I'm inviting you to trauma dump. I know sometimes it can feel like a burden to talk to others about what's bothering you so I'm giving you an open invitation to share any thoughts on your mind that you feel bad saying. -
Hey, Mint. Would you mind talking with me?
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Ayo thanks mint I was thought about committing suicide a few times and I still have those thoughts that I will never be someone because of my ugly face or my ugly looks or because people do not share the same opinions. Thank you for unintentionally helping me through it!
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Of course! What's up?
And I'm really glad to hear it. There's a million things I could've said. I'd never stop writing if I had to list all the reasons to live. You can be whoever you want to be. I'm sorry you've been feeling that way! I understand what it's like and I'd love to continue to encourage you in any way that I can because I think you're awesome and a total pleasure to be around, The1forU. -
@mint, Eh.. I feel more like a burden
@cret+mint, I think you guys should make a private thread sry -
This thread was a great thing to make.
I don’t know about other people, but what stops me from killing myself isn’t the people who try to talk and comfort me out of it. If I’m being honest, I talk to people when I’m upset so that I can stall. It’s not bad-stalling, but more of a time period where I can calm myself and pull my thoughts together. It doesn’t matter what we talk about, I just have to be able to collect myself.
Every time I’ve wanted to die, I think about what I’m leaving behind. This includes my graduation, my future job, the beach, vacations, and other things that excite me.
I believe, that I can do great things if I can make it through to the future. I’m happy to be here. Not because of my current situation, but because of the possibility of what I might eventually be.
If there’s one thing to say to everyone here, it’s to always have faith in the future. -
I agree
Btw how do you do italic text? -
[I] text [ /I] without the spaces
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I like the way you said that spice! I completely agree. One thing that always helps even though it can be hard when you're feeling really suicidal, is to imagine if you had succeeded the last time you tried or thought about killing yourself. Imagine all the things that have happened since you last wanted to die and then realize that you never would've gotten to experience those things if you had died.
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Cham!* Sorry my brain is stupid I was thinking about another post when I started that!
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No worries! Everyone has their own reason to live, so I’m not sure if mine was similar to others’.
I never realized it, but my flaws are the things that help me see it through. I’m naturally a super anxious person, who can’t deal when someone doesn’t respond to a message, or freaks out over a text. But it’s actually helped me when I’m thinking of death. I guess I sort of think about “If I die, who’s gonna be there to support people?”
And then there’s also like a big part of me that just wants to observe and study the world and behavior. I can just sit around all day, but get so much from what I heard and saw.
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