PLEASE read my story :D
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:21pm
Thread Topic: PLEASE read my story :D
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PurpleClouds Newbieonce upon a time there was a wolf called shanks and a princess unicorn called fairy. the wolf was very very bad and the princess unicorn was very very good. they were in a fight.. shanks had beg beg claws and he was tuff but fairy had somthing specail called........POWARS!!!! she used them to defeet shanks and he died, and fairy lived happily ever after
the end
I HOPE U LIKE IT!! -
One question: How old are you?
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PurpleClouds Newbiekirby im 9 and turning 10 in decimember
why???
did u like my story??? did u read it?! -
It was...adequate e_e
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PurpleClouds Newbiewhat?????? please tell me thee truth ok dont ly i no ur lying ok plese telll me truth
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*sigh*
Listen kid, if you want to go far in the writing business, I'd better state my opinion about this story to you.
First off all, the use of "once upon a time" is so overrated and overused these days. So is "one day". Think of something original. Maybe sound effects at the beginning. A brief character introduction etc etc.
Secondly, your description of the characters aren't very good either. You described the wolf as "very very bad" and the unicorn as "very very good". Can't you think of something like... the wolf is "huge, hairy, enormous, full of hatred, sinister" and for the unicorn... "beautiful, glowing, pure, magical" etc etc instead of using baby words like "good" and "bad".
The fight scene wasn't very exciting at all. It was brief, and wasn't suspension and it seemed as if it didn't have a lot of action. I didn't like the ending.
So... make it longer and check your punctuation and spelling and grammar because it's atrocious.
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Okay. There's my honest opinion. You asked for "truth". I've given it to you. I'm sorry if you feel offended, but yeah...
Then again, you are only 9 years old e_e -
PurpleClouds Newbiewhat???!?!?! are u saying that im bad at writing???? :( :( :(
ok u know what...... UR MEAN. u didnt say a good thing about my story so i dont like u AT ALL kirby so go away :( -
Okay, whatever, whatever. You don't have to listen to me. You are only nine years old after all o_o Do what you want.
But I can assure you, when I was nine, I didn't write stories like this.
Maybe you'll pick up some skills when you get older... okay?! Don't buzz at me because you look so immature. -
Purple clouds: Keep practising and you could be amazing. That was a cute idea. :D
Ps, Kirby gave some great ideas that could improve you're writing. You should focus on what she said and write another story! I'd love to hear it. :D -
I agree with everything kirby said. You are only 9, but yoh should try to write more detailed stories, thats all. And, not trying to be mean or anything, but you probably dont even know what half the words kirby used mean. I didnt when i was 9. So, unless you know what you read, dont get mad about if. For all you know you couldve been complimented. But anyway, i agree with every word ange and kirby have said
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I think its good for a nine year old. XD
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rvelez Novice@Purpleclouds....uh...are you really 9?*.*
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Yeah, I dont know if this site is appropiate for you if you are only nine. A lot of crap goes down here, stuff not for nine-year-old eyes.
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OK. You can't ask for someone's honest opinion, then lash out on them for it. Its just not fair.
She's giving you advice, and I suggest you use it.
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