I can't fight this anymore. I've reached the point where I don't want to live anymore. Because every day I'm a work I'm struggling to keep all the tears behind my eyes and I'm struggling to put on this facade of a face. I'm not calm and I'm not happy and I probably never will be. There is no way out of this life.
they say alcoholic don't get far unless they drink and drive so how about let's go for a ride I hope I crash and fuking die.
Dawson just f---ing kill yourself oh wait that's right you literally can't you are literally incapable of it you are not courageous enough to take a knife stabbing into your neck and end it. oh I wish I could do it for you. You f****** pathetic piece of s***!
Dawson, I know life is tough. I honestly can feel where you are coming from right now, but life will get better. Sometimes you need those days where you get blasted (just make sure you don’t drive anywhere). That, and you have a lot of people that care about you.
I wish I could say I've gotten better
But to say that would be a lie all of me is aware of what I did and it's only recalling negativity I try to think about whenever things were positive between me and her but all it does is Bring Back what type of cruel hearted person I was. I can't sleep right because of this. Thanks to my actions I wake up every 2 hours I try to fall asleep from the same dream I guess. it's repetitive. it's like hell. It makes me want to not be on this planet anymore. It is went from self torture and getting excited to go to sleep so that I could at least get away from the stress during the day but it doesn't work anymore. Sleeping is actually more scary than being awake and even then I hate being awake because thoughts constantly plagued my mind.
living in general, has never been more torturous. I can't sleep healthy, I can't live healthy. I have barely anybody to talk to about this because of judgement and I've reached the point of where suicide seems so logical but I know I'm not going to do it. I've always been pro-life over Pro suicide but right now things have changed. Living is a real challenge and it's a challenge I can't handle my mind has turned against me. It has weaponized I guilt in my sorrow. It's as if writing no longer he's able to unleash anything because I always still hate myself deep inside. No matter what I try to tell myself it's like the two sides of myself are arguing and one side is more dominant and that's the side that wants me to stop talking to everyone stop eating and just let nature kill me. But it's not like I have to do that because eventually I'm not going to be able to handle this much and I'm just going to end up dying because of my mental issues.