Who is in charge, the child or the adult?

We are, of course, the consequences of our genes, our experiences and our education, the sum of our past emotions - all of which to some extent ordain our emotional responses in the here and now. Many irrational fears or dislikes, for example, have their roots in "long-forgotten" traumas or even dreams. The notion of "maturity" frequently presupposes a stolid self-reliance founded upon common sense, and independence from such residual influences, but such resilience can be dearly bought, at the cost of the vulnerability essential to empathy. On the other hand, no one wants to hitch his or her wagon to the star of an eternally whimpering infant. The balance is a delicate one, and, once again, depends upon emotional intelligence, which distinguishes between those emotions that can constructively be entertained and others that, unchecked, are destructive or debilitating. There are no right or wrong answers and no one's looking over your shoulder, so take a risk and be brutally honest. That's the only way to truely assess your inner adult/child relationship.

So, who's in charge, the child or the adult? When triggers hit our hot buttons and emotions flare, It can be difficult to tell. This short quiz might add some insight to who's really driving the bus!

1. What is your age?
Under 18 Years Old
18 to 24 Years Old
25 to 30 Years Old
31 to 40 Years Old
41 to 50 Years Old
51 to 60 Years Old
Over 60 Years Old
2. What is your gender?
Male
Female
3. A close friend dies. You are - honestly - most concerned at
your own loss
his/her family's loss
the circumstances of the death
4. Illness in yourself, preventing work or fun, is
a damned nuisance, but inevitable
devastating and unfair
someone else's fault
5. A friend is in the hospital. You
take fruit and flowers and stay a good long time
take magazines, letters and photographs and visit briefly
cannot stand hospitals and stay away
6. Depression makes you
attack or sulk at your partner
eat/drink too much
go shopping
7. You are not invited to be godparent to the child of someone whom you had thought to be your dearest friend. You
send the child a loving letter and an expensive present
say nothing, and assume that your friend's reasons will become clear in due course
take offense and vow that you will have nothing more to do with your friend
8. Stood up for a date, you
get defiantly drunk/defiantly pick up someone else
shrug and return home to a good book
persist in phoning the offender way into the wee small hours
9. You are most likely to cry at
happiness, romance, love triumphant
rejection, death, disaster
sacrifice, renunciation, courage
10. Which quotation most closely reflects your views?
"Love conquers all"
"Men were deceivers ever"/"Frailty, thy name is woman"
"It is better to have loved, and lost, than never to have loved at all"
11. You hear that a close friend or lover has spoken ill of you. Do you
assume that the message-bearer is malicious or mistaken?
assume that the friend was misunderstood or under pressure?
launch into a similar attack on the friend/lover?
12. Your lover proposes a new sexual game - dressing up, say, or role reversal. You
think it ridiculous and refuse
go along with the experiment, but feel embarrassed and worried
go for it
13. Stuck in a traffic jam, you
fume, seethe, curse
fret about the people at your destination
take the opportunity to think, sing, play
14. Your child or a child in your care is afraid of something which you know to be perfectly harmless -a spider, say. Do you
talk to him/her, play spider games, make light of the fear?
become exasperated, and urge him/her not to be silly?
hide the spider or whatever and pretend that it was never there?

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• Adult Clues for the Child Within Quiz by Diane Aloisi
• how childish you are by bhie
• How old are you really? by Nakat
• Would-Be Parents by Sherise Williamson

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