1. What is your age? Under 18 Years Old 18 to 24 Years Old 25 to 30 Years Old 31 to 40 Years Old 41 to 50 Years Old 51 to 60 Years Old Over 60 Years Old 2. What is your gender? Male Female 3. You sneeze while I am sitting next to you... I immediately hand you a tissue, pat you on the back and say, "you feeling alright kitty-kat?" I back away slowly but try to ply you with potions, vitamins, and pills from my arsenal of OTC medication. I immediately run away only to inform you through email that our friendship is quarantined until you can bring a doctor's note. I say "bless you" and quietly continue doing whatever I was doing. 4. I am eating a hot dog around you one day and I drop it on the ground... I sigh and mutter, "nothing gold can stay ponyboy" to no one in particular and throw the dirty dog away. I distract you by asking you if you see a funnel cloud in the distance and pick up the rest of the dog and jam it in my mouth while you are looking elsewhere. I grab the dog off the ground directly in front of you and continue eating it without comment. I pick the dog up off the ground, offer you a bite, giggle maniacally and then shove the rest of it in my mouth, making sure to chew with my mouth open. 5. You and I are out eating at a restaurant and you order a tasty meal that piques my interest... I ask you how you are enjoying your entree and make a note in my journal that I must try that dish the next time I return. I wait for you to leave to go to the bathroom and feast upon your plate while you are away. Without asking and looking directly into your eye whilst doing so, I jam my fork into the food on your plate and help myself to some. I ask you politely if I may try some of your dish and offer a butter plate or other degermitized zone for us to complete the exchange. 6. You and I are listening to Radiohead together one day and "Hunting Bears" comes on... You say, "hey, what is this song, it's depressing the s--- out of me - can we listen to Destiny's Child already?" We excitedly exchange stories about the first time we listened to this song and then discuss the implications of Thom Yorke's solo career and if the rumors are in fact true that, Radiohead may be turning to its grungier roots (ie a post-millenial return We both ummm you know, just listen to the song. We both realize we skipped "You and Whose Army?" and track back to that song so that we can sit there and gently cut our arms with dull butter knives. 7. It's 3pm on a sunny day and you and I drop into a convenience store to buy... Some gum so that we will have something refreshing to chew on after dinner. an assortment of salted snack items and candy bars for us to gorge ourselves on. Oh yeah, and I buy a Slim Jim and then completely complain about how much I don't like it even though I finish it before we are a block away from the store. Frosters! of course A malt liquor product that we drink easily without detection. 8. You have a family member and/or old chum visiting and introduce him or her to me... I politely greet the person and inquire about her or his condition. I immediately launch into an incredibly embarassing story about something you have done around me, the story usually involves me telling the person that you were tanked. I immediately press the person to tell me embarassing stories about you, particularly if you have ever "wet" yourself or been tanked and done something ridiculous. I start teasing the person and pretend as though I have known him or her forever. 9. You are walking down the street talking to me on your cellular phone and see a person wearing a giant hot dog suit... you giggle to yourself and we continue our discussion about Turkey's entrance into the EU. you shriek into the phone there is a giant hot dog walking down the street to make me jealous. you insist the giant walking hot dog speak to me on the phone, insisting that his/her's "biggest fan" is on the line. even though you know you're talking to me on the phone, for one minute you think that I am the person wearing the giant hot dog suit. 10. You are out at the bar one night and the song "Squeezebox" by the Who comes on... you think, wow, the Who really know what they were doing when they made this song. you don't really notice the song and wonder when the nickelback song you requested is going to play already as you nurse your white wine spritzer. for one moment you think of me because you know I really like that song. you immediately text message me that you are listening to the song. 11. Whew - this quiz is almost over (look, they require 10 custom questions okay?)... if you were a color you would be... green blue pink orange 12. You and I are out walking and a person walks by with a fetching little pup on a leash... I look at you and say, "my that is really a cute dog" you look at me and say, "I want to kick that dog" I immediately start gushing and petting the dog without making eye contact with its owner. I knock the dog owner down, steal the dog and ask you to cover for me.