What Kind of Fly Fisher Are You?

There are only four kinds of fly fishermen, and you're one of them. Orvis Man, The Trout Bum, The Cocktail Party Fly Fisherman, and the Professional Guide: one of these is the person you see in the mirror every morning.

So step up, don't lie, admit your dog bed fetish or the fact that you have more bongs than dollars in your bank account. You know you spend more money on fly fishing than you ever will on your kids' education. So, which one are you?

1. What is your age?
Under 18 Years Old
18 to 24 Years Old
25 to 30 Years Old
31 to 40 Years Old
41 to 50 Years Old
51 to 60 Years Old
Over 60 Years Old
2. What is your gender?
Male
Female
3. If shown a Rorschach painting resembling a fly rod, your response would be...
That looks like a Sage TCR 9' 5 wt.
I have a painting resembling that fine work of art above my tying desk.
I think I can make out a 30" brown below that rod.
Sweet. Someone light up that spliff.
4. If offered the choice between a free trip to Montana and a new bamboo rod, you'd...
Call your buddy in Bozeman and ask to crash on his couch.
Start googling Hardy Perfects.
Rearrange and windex the decorative rod case.
Call your dealer in Bozeman and ask if he still has the same Jungle Jumper you smoked last time.
5. When confronted with an empty Clackacraft drift boat, your first thought is...
Oh hell no. The high sides on that sumb---- would have me riding river right all day.
My, my, wouldn't that look spiffy behind my Hummer.
Sweet. Look at all the room for stickers.
My boss will be so envious, I might get that promotion after all.
6. The cutthroat trout is...
God's gift to fly fishermen.
Good eating.
Just another trout.
Wait, that's not a rainbow? What about a cuttbow? Could it be a cuttbow?
7. Internet fly fishing chat rooms are...
Excellent places to pick up women.
Useful for identifying my latest antique rod purchase.
Full of posers.
Full of posers, unless there's p---.
8. Night fishing is for..
...catching the biggest brown trout of your life.
...those without the budget to pay to fish the same water in the daytime.
...getting drunk and passing out on a rock until 3AM, then catching the biggest brown trout of your life.
...working on your cast when no one can see whether the internet claims match the reality.
9. Orvis is...
The Greatest Company Ever.
The Great Whore.
A Good Source of Fresh Meat.
A Good Source of Fresh Organic Firewood.
10. Fishing dogs are...
...banned from the driftboat until further notice.
...useful distractions for when the wife insists on coming.
...useful distractions for when the mistress insists on coming.
...sometimes the only possible source of warmth.
11. The price on a rod is $650. You think...
...cheap Tupperware. If rods were priced correctly, like bamboo, we'd keep the riff raff out.
...sweet: $325.
...this price is entirely justified given the performance increases it will give your casting.
...that's equal to six TFOs.
12. The Florida Keys are...
...a great place to pick up whores.
...where rich dudes go to pretend they're better than me.
...an acceptable location to spend a winter waiting tables.
...the place I went last month and caught a bonefish. Did you see my picture yet?

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