The "How Do I Tell if I'm an Alcoholic?" Test

How does one know when they have reached the true gates of alcoholisim? Alcoholics are everywhere. We make up the sticky stuff that holds this world together. We are the ones with the greatest stories of all time that have the punch line of, "and that was the second time I woke up with a sore ass after a 3 day bender!"

Are YOU an alcoholic, a drunk, wino, or whatever you want to call it? We will see in just ten short questions that will judge your past drinking history and a few other areas or your life.

1. What is your age?
Under 18 Years Old
18 to 24 Years Old
25 to 30 Years Old
31 to 40 Years Old
41 to 50 Years Old
51 to 60 Years Old
Over 60 Years Old
2. What is your gender?
Male
Female
3. How many days in the week do you consider yourself to be intoxicated?
1
2-3
3-5
All of 'em, duh!
Wait, how many days are in a week?
I'm not drunk. YOU'RE DRUNK!
4. How amny failed marraiges do you have as a result of your drinking?
1
2
5
37
4 Vegas weddings
2 to 2 different trannys.
5. Are you drunk right now?
Yes
No
Maybe
I dunno
I forgot
Ice Cream
6. If you and I went camping, and you woke up one morning covered in KY and your ass hurt, would you tell anyone?
Yes
No
7. Would you like to go camping?
Yes
Yes
8. Have you ever been so drunk that you passed out and pissed on your date?
Yes
No
Ew, gross!!!
9. Have you ever woken up to find out your date was so drunk that she pissed on you?
Yes
No
I don't want to talk about it...
10. Have you ever been so drunk that you passed out with your pants around your ankles in your best friends mom's flowers?
Maybe...
Yes
No
I think...
11. Have you ever been so drunk that you had to do the walk of shame from a Mexican jail after a 5 day drinking bienge?
Yes
No
Wait, did my cell mate tell you about this? I swear, all we did was spoon. There was NO PENITRATION I TELL YOU! NONE!
12. Do you go to AA meetings?
Yes
No
AA is for quiters...

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