What is your age? Under 18 Years Old 18 to 24 Years Old 25 to 30 Years Old 31 to 40 Years Old 41 to 50 Years Old 51 to 60 Years Old Over 60 Years OldWhat is your gender? Male Female1. To switch on a computer you: kick the plug swear at the screen call tech support press the power button Huh?2. A computer uses what type of power? propane gas electricity magic pixies3. The actual computer unit is the: telly thingy typewriter thngy funny box by the back door big beige box with air blowing out the back4. The operating system you use is:
Word Windows / Linux / Mac OS Office 97 Internet Huh?5. To clean a DVD or CD you: rub it on your jumper use an approved disposable wipe lick it and rub it on you jeans6. Left Click means: press the left side mouse button press the right side mouse button use your left hand to thwack the mouse7. Right Clicking does what? makes it print calls the context menu makes the picture go all funny8. Tech support asks you to close the window, you: Click 'Start' click on the top right X get up, walk to the window and close it berate the tech guy for his technobabble9. Your screen picture is very wobbly, do you: call tech support move the desk fan away from the monitor kick the plug ignore it, it looks like an expensive repair10. Your computer becomes unresponsive, you: become insane with rage and threaten to toss it out the window wait patiently until the disc access completes its cycle press all the buttons11. HTML is: a kind of browser language geeky technobabble no idea a variety of cucumber12. Tech Support ask you for your user name, you give them your password give them your user name give them your proper name and surname ask him/her out on a date13. Your mouse pointer is jumpy, you: clean the gunge out of the mouse throw the mouse away and buy a new one demand a fully trained and qualified engineer to come clean the mouse14. After 8 hours continuous use your laptop starts beeping you realise the battery is running low it's faulty and demand tech support fix it shake the laptop hard and look puzzled15. Furry Gonks stuck all over the monitor are: personalisation funny and cute useless frippery16. An ideal place to store dictation tapes is: right next to the monitor scattered all over the desk in a box in a desk drawer17. The best place to install your new computer is:
shut away right at the back under the desk away from power/comms a convenient location to aid future servicing next to a radiator next to the transformer which powers the heavy workshop18. You want your computer connected to the office network, you: accept the tech guys cabling recommendations demand he just slings a wire across the floor get some wire and have a go yourself whats a network?19. Printed documents have become faint, you: need to replace the ink cartridge expect a fully trained and qualified engineer to replace the ink refill the toner cartridge with fountain pen ink20. on your laptop, pressing 'u' prints 4 and 'i' prints 5, you: immediately call tech support turn off numlock stab the buttons harder so it gets the hint21. A fully traned and qualified engineer repairs your computer, she tells you she is very busy and needs to get to her next call, you: send her on her way with a warm word of thanks and appreciation say 'while you're here...' and ask for a complete demonstration of Word/Access mailmerge sneer at her because she's your gopher and you could have repaired it yourself anyway