How Woodham are you?

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Being a Woodhamer isn't as easy as it sounds. You can't just simply 'live' in this town and expect the status of 'Woodhamer' to be bequeathed to have to earn it

Are YOU a proper Woodhamer? Do you know your Izzys from your elbow? This quick quiz will help you on your journey to being a true bona fide WOODHAMER in every sense. Dive in!

Created by: The Hegman
1. What is your age?
Under 18 Years Old
18 to 24 Years Old
25 to 30 Years Old
31 to 40 Years Old
41 to 50 Years Old
51 to 60 Years Old
Over 60 Years Old
2. What is your gender?
3. What's a 'Burger Van'?
A mobile vehicle that sells hot food with a serving hatch
A brick building with a serving hatch but has no wheels whatsoever
A vehicle that you find at car boot sales in Rettendon
4. If I say the word 'Cabaret' who immediately springs to mind?
Liza Minelli
Danny La Rue
Ray Durrant
John Barrowman
5. If you are standing on the platform at South Woodham Ferrers train station, which trains feel like they're going the wrong way?
Southminster-bound trains
Wickford-bound trains
Shenfield-bound trains
6. How many diamonds are on the William De Ferrers school badge?
7. Which of these judges gave Asda's Matthew 'The Legend' Lewis a 'Yes' in 2nd appearance in the X Factor auditions?
Sharon Osbourne
Gary Barlow
Nicole Scherrrrrzingdfjsjkfndf
Louis Walsh
8. Which of these Eastenders actors was once a Woodhamer?
Shane Ritchie
Gillian Taylforth
Jessie Wallace
Terry Alderton
Dean Gaffney
9. Where is the coolest place in SWF to buy sweets?
The petrol station on Old Wickford Road
The sweet shop about 2 doors away from Butlers
10. The Oakland Hotel was featured in which TV show?
Gordon Ramsey Kitchen Nightmares
The Hotel Inspector
The Only Way Is Essex
In The Night Garden
11. Which of these establishments would you most like to see on our high street?
99p Stores
Ann Summers
What the f--- is a 'High Street'?
12. Which of these items are you more likely to HEAR the most on an average day in South Woodham Ferrers?
the quacking of Ducks
a Helicopter
Level Crossing Sirens
A lowered saloon car with black alloys driven by a scrote desperate for attention
Ray Durrant
13. If I say 'Bushey Hill' what's the first thing you think of?
Get the sledge out
The curse of the moat at Edwin's Hall
It's too far to walk
14. Which major American rock band is closely associated with South Woodham Ferrers?
Van Halen
Rage Against The Machine
Pearl Jam
15. What does the word 'Focus' mean to you?
look more closely at it
Get to the Letters page
concentrate harder
16. What does the word 'Bandstand' mostly mean to you?
Standing in the middle and shouting at passers by
Wicker chairs
Bank Holidays in the good old days
McDonalds wrappers
An unused piece on concrete and bricks
'I can see the pub from here'
17. In your opinion, which is the best Indian takeaway?
Eva/Pink Garlic
The Nawab
None will ever beat Izzy's Ruchita
None of these
18. In your opinion, which is the best Chinese/Thai takeaway?
New Town
Dragon City
China Kitchen
Thai Bualang
Hot Wok
19. What's the easiest way to get elected in the SWF area?
Be a Labour candidate
Be a Conservative candidate
Be a Lib Dems candidate
Be an Independent candidate
Pretend you're a Conservative even though you don't like them, but you know damn well that's the only way you'll get elected sadly
20. If I told you to "Walk to Gees" right now, where would you end up?
Tallow Gate
Warwick Parade
Trinity Square
Marsh Farm car park
Pertwee Drive
I have no idea what you're talking about?
21. Black.
Frank Black
Cilla Black
Jack Black
Rebecca Black
Back In Black
Alistair Black
22. What type of weathervane is on top of the clock tower in the town centre?
a Cock
a Fox
a very old Asda logo
a Flag
a Boat
23. Which of these shops has been in Woodham the longest?
King's Hardware
Lisa Frances
24. If you could pick one of these to return to Woodham, which one would it be?
Izzy's Ruchita
Martin the Newsagent
Bee Bees
Mr Gees
25. What number bus goes to Chelmsford from South Woodham Ferrers?
Ray Durrant

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