So on confession thread...
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:24pm
Thread Topic: So on confession thread...
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I wanted to commit suicide. I know there's people with bigger situation than me and a wish to live and love life fully while I'm here thinking/typing this. I'm getting closer to convincing myself to thinking that suicide would be my life ender without knowing. My times running out as days and time tick away, I can feel the liberty of ending my life and ending my sufferage. I've been bullied I've been hurt I've cut myself but I'm not helping myself to love life like I should. I have reasons to not end my life this way but every time I think about it the reasons why I should take over. I think over and over again of how it would feel to jump off a bridge in my school (that connects the classrooms with the locker rooms together), feeling the air against my face and my hair flowing with my arms spread out tasting freedom at the tip of my tongue like a video over and over again. I've told my friend I cut and she has too but we neveer talk about it. Today my mom promised and told me to get ready because she going to 'malmatar' (kill) me in her own words on the phone and to get myself ready for what's coming to me. Gosh, how I wish this was easy as I see it. Anger, pain, guilt, sadness, sorrow, and pity, sweel inside me killing me and suffocating me until I drown in my own tears. The day comes nearing like I feel it tattooed on my back. I want to scream and shout all my suffering and my emotions I bottled up but it isn't me, so they'll die with me. The reason why I don't seek help and I type is because I feel like people will treat me differently and think I'm thinking about suicide every tine I do something which I don't. I feel better when I type it, it gives me a couple minutes to tell people how I feel without them thinking that I'm mentally ill. As I said before I feel like a disgrace, disturbance, a reminder of everything my mom raised turned out wrong. Sometimes I wanna have nice mother and daughter coversations with my mom but when I do most of the times she says "Uh-huh." or says "Not now I'm watching TV." then it makes me think 'You'd rather watch TV than to listen to the voice of your child? That show will always be online when you search it up but when I'm gone the only thing left will be the sound of my voice in your head, my pictures, my things, and the guilty reminder of the lovely coversation we coul of had. I, the child of god have not found a reason to live but I believe my only reason was to cause pain and to commit suicide like others to teach people to never push away what they have because it might be gone as soon as they blink. I don't know what to do I'm suffering I want to end and it seems my only way out. I have 4 years left with months to move out and go to college but that seems to long. To be straight foward with the truth the only people I'm afraid to hurt would be my close friends that I bond more than my family. If I think this is the only way out should I do it knowing the temporary pain and guilt I would cause?
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Suicide is a piece of shit. I tried it when I was 9 years old, hanged myself, dangled there for a good 5 minutes before realizing it wasn't going to work and therefore not for me. I went through utter shit after that, and hell and high shit here I am and loved by pretty much everybody who isn't a ball of moron :D
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That's nice...
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Also, your mom sounds like an idiot. Not meant to hurt, just why have a kid if you don't want one?
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I feel like she spoils me sometimes but mostly she says things and acts like I can take it when I really can't and doesn't notice it. I cut and she doesn't see it but the person who knows is a friend. They say family is thicker than water but in my case it's not my friends are closer to me than any other family and sibiling I have.
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Let me give you an advice that worked for me;
Change your lifestyle. Get rid of everyone and everything that give you those "sick" thoughts. In other words, stay away from everyone and everything that trigger those thoughts and emotions of despair and sorrow. f--- them all. -
Thanks Vik for the advice :)
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WOLF7567 V2 NewbieSweet girl, just smoke some weed and you'll feel better :)
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^ No.
Just do as Viktor said. -
LOL xD. I just imagine Appa swinging back and forth looking around, just..there. xDD
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Please dont, man.
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Forget about what your mom says. I understand how you feel. My mom is convinced that because I like DBZ that I'm immature, when in fact I am probably the most mature person I know since I don't obsess over reality TV and I actually have conversations that require intelligent thinking. Mom's tend to put their daughters down, sometimes without even realizing it.
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